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I’m an ass man by personal preference. Sure, you can give me your jugs and your gams and your bleach-blonde hair, but I’ll take a nice can any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. The people at K-Swiss figured this out when they sent Savannah to my door, and Nike is now on the trolley as well. This is a typical Nike ad; they’re not really selling a particular product as much as a particular attitude. And that attitude is, “I like big butts and I cannot lie.” I’m down with that.

Naturally, the bra-burners at Women Talk Sports hate it, calling it “blatantly sexist” and “shameless.” Which strikes me as hilarious, since it’s an ad (presumably) geared toward shame-stricken women.

Society likes big butts on women right now, the rates of butt injections and implants for the ass-less women among us have sky rocketed, and famous women don’t look like Calista Flockhart anymore. So Nike quickly connects the dots and creates an ad campaign meant to lure in women looking for less dramatic and less expensive ass-plumping products.

Wait a second. When did anyone ever like Calista Flockhart?

That is why Nike says next to that juicy bubble butt-having model, “10 thousand lunges have made it rounder, not smaller”. Because they want women to believe getting a big ass is not something only rich, sex-tape making socialites can pay for or something most of us are born with.

I don’t see how saying, “We like junk in the trunk” is loaded with any sort of oppressive undertones. But what do I know. I have a penis. UPDATE: Like I said, I know nothing. It’s a fake ad. That ass, however, is real enough for me. Thanks, Kyle, for the heads-up.

nike ad