big assed book

The end of the week is always the best time to pick the weekend’s hottest matchups. We call it Weekend Picks. Because we’re original like that. Home teams are in ALL CAPS.

Tonight.

Arizona over TOLEDO. Hang on a second; this game is at Toledo? This is the equivalent of taking the prom queen back to your silver bullet trailer and getting stabbed from behind in the lung while she steals all of your Burn Notice DVDs as you breathe your last breath. Where are those DVDs, by the way?

Saturday.

Mizzou over Illinois. The Tigers will have home state advantage in this game, to be played in St. Louis. How fitting that these collegians open their season in the city that functions as an NFL graveyard.

Purdue over NOTRE DAME. Purdue treaded water in the Big Ten last year, but they’ll be into Year Two of the regime of head coach Danny Hope, who may or may not spring eternal with an opening-weekend upset.

TCU over Oregon State. This game will be played at Cowboys Stadium. Look for TCU to sneak out with a win and a few $90 pizzas. Sixty dollars. Whatever.

Sunday.

Southern Methodist over TEXAS TECH. Can we call this game the Craig James Bowl?

Monday.

Navy over Maryland. Give this game some attention. It’ll be the only good thing to happen in Baltimore all year.

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