Jim neidhart_JAIL

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart got himself into a pretty sticky situation earlier this week. The former WWF tag-team champion of the 80s and 90s was arrested on some serious drug and buglary charges: two counts possession of a controlled substance, two counts trafficking illegal drugs, one count of burglary, and one count grand theft. And here I was, thinking JaMarcus Russell was the alpha athlete turned drug kingpin.

Now, I understand that this is a pretty hefty block-quote, but bear with me. It’s the greatest thing you’ll read all week.

Just before 3 p.m. Sunday, Neidhart was pumping gas at the A.J. Food Market, 9806 Tom Folsom Road, Thonotosassa, when he began yelling and causing a disturbance, the sheriff’s office said.

The sheriff’s arrest report said he was seen opening pill bottles located in the trunk of his silver Pontiac Sunfire.

When deputies arrived at the scene, he was agitated and aggressive. He was observed “ingesting multiple pills that he dropped on the ground while inside the trunk of his vehicle,” the sheriff’s office arrest report states.

He was found in possession of 55.6 grams of Oxycontin and 17.4 grams of methadone. The prescription pills were in three bottles with the name Mary Cutillo written on the bottles, the sheriff’s office said.

Cutillo had reported her Hillsborough County home had been burglarized and that her medication had been stolen, the sheriff’s office said.

Neidhart, who is a friend of Cutillo, allegedly went to her home and pried open the rear door of the home. He then stole her prescription pills, which are valued at more than $300, the sheriff’s office said. –Tampa Tribune

Let’s recap. A title-winning former professional wrestler, now a shadow of his former self, is yelling and screaming while popping pills and pumping gas at a Tampa gas station. When the authorities come to investigate, Jim decides that his best play is to continue ingesting drugs. Said drugs make the authorities suspicious, and further investigation finds out that he has 55.6 GRAMS OF OXYCONTIN AND 17.4 GRAMS OF METHADONE, which he stole by ripping off the door of his friend’s house.

That is an incredible amount of drugs, and it doesn’t even consider the pills that he was popping like Flintstone Vitamins. I’m already banking on an older Robert Downey Junior getting an Oscar when someone writes this into a screenplay. Well him, or Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel’s been known to do a mean geeked-up-homeless-person yelling impression.

Here’s a video of The Anvil yelling about personal issues or something. He’s such a captivating speaker, I would have never suspected he had a such a passion for drugs. “Possibly the best,” indeed, James.