This post originally ran on February 1, but it seems to be back in style, so here it is again for your enjoyment.
After Eastern Washington announced its intentions to install red turf into its football stadium for the upcoming season, I shuttered (shuddered?) to think of what might be next on the horizon for That Next Program Looking For Attention For Doing Nothing Particularly Special. But seriously, what attention whore of a football team could possibly top RED TURF? Here are a few of my best guesses:
White turf, Penn State. The Big Ten school is famous for its “white out” home games (even though the team still wears blue during those contests; what’s up with that?) so why not go full hog and make the field the same color as the fans? Additionally, if the team does decide to wear white for those games, it would be like wearing camouflage! Okay, so maybe that’s an argument against, but still.
Corn stalks in the red zone, Nebraska. “Hey, was that a play action pass?” Beats me! Traditionally slower teams (read: whiter teams) like Nebraska have a reputation for letting the grass on the field grow longer before big games with faster opponents. How about six feet longer? Let’s see you try that quarterback keeper through 90 feet of maize, Mr. Double Threat.
Burning Couch Turf, West Virginia. Nobody burns perfectly good furniture down to the frame like the students of Morgantown! Burning sofas adorn every corner of the field, serving as a natural defense against those pesky bubble screens. But don’t worry about the fire; the Mountaineers will have trained first responders on scene to manage the blaze! As for carbon monoxide poisoning, you’re on your own.
Tribute To Southern Airways Flight 932 turf, Marshall. Remember how inspiring that Matthew McConaughey movie was based on the 1970 Marshall team? Okay, I didn’t see it, either, but why not relive the magic of that sterilized dramatization with every home game? This might work better if the plane sits in the end zone, and the players run out of it before each game. Go Herd, but don’t touch the metal!
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/wyoming-photoshop-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Johnny-Manziel-with-Davey-Johnson-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Joe-Pa-Fan-Letter-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/sports-on-tv-archers-15-greatest-sports-moments-with-leather-180x180.jpg)
How about they litter the fields of every D1 school with the aborted fetuses of the players’ baby’s mommas. Just imagine the sound effects.
100,000 sewn-together assholes ought to do it for USC.
shuddered.
The only good thing about this is that finally you can slaughter that dead hooker in your trunk on a football field without leaving a noticeable stain
Bravo on the Marshall idea!!! They could do the same thing at Oklahoma State basketball games, too.
This was pretty funny. I like it.
P.S. It’s shuttered…if you’re a camera.
If they’re going to take the time to change the carpet, will it match the drapes?
The Fuck is Eastern Washington?
Ole Miss (or the whole SEC) could have burning crosses in thier endzones for night games.
you guys are crazy if you think OREGON wouldn’t take advantage of something like this. OREGON will have a yellow field by god.
I know youre trying to be humorous but making light of a plane crash is in very poor taste.
@slanch – Why would you slaughter a hooker who’s already dead?
“you guys are crazy if you think OREGON wouldn’t take advantage of something like this. OREGON will have a yellow field by god.”
Oregon’s field will change colors every 5 minutes from green to yellow to black to grey to white. The big “O” in the middle of the field will also alternate colors. Perhaps every minute. Hashmarks will be in a feather design.
@Buz, you have to strip the meat off the bones, how else are you supposed to get a stew going?
lame story, lame writing, lame references,
Check out the blue turf in Barrow, AK – [www.projectalaskaturf.com]
No clue what they’d do for south carolina gamecocks…
This article is lame as fuck. Your Marshall reference was very disrespectful.
To the OP: Lrn2 Blog.
Enjoyable article until I got to the Marshall reference. That showed incredibly bad taste. A lot of people died in that plane crash. Many other lives were thrown into turmoil. Maybe you should watch the movie so you might have some compassion for the tragedy that unfolded. Better yet you should go to sensitivity training.
why 2 burning plane photos? why not 1 burning plane photo and one sex photo??? god, where’s the love?
One place has had colored turf for more than 10 years — go to Boise and look at their field.
The school has a grass field right now, and the football team cant always practice on it because of that. As long as they were putting turf they decided to make it red. It is intended to try and give the stadium some sort of identity.
Like the old saying: If there is red grass on the field, why don’t you have a seat right over here
A big mural of Tori Black and Sasha Grey 69′ing for USC’s turf. They’re on probation. What possible difference could it make, other than being the awesomist field ever.
You are so insensitive! Crudely photoshopping a burning plane along side Matthew McConaughey’s creeper mustache is so Hitler frowney face /:=( You should watch the crappy movie McCanaughey was in about this tragedy that no one really cared about before the movie to get some perspective Mr. Man.
Terrible post you jackass. Not funny and very lame. Next time try to get a sense of humor. Making fun of a tragedy isn’t funny. You want a real tragedy. Then just look at this site.
That’s complete bullshit on that reference, such bad taste and terribly unfunny. You’re an asshole and hope you feel the same pain that the families and friends felt from that tragedy some day.
So, I check this little blog out off of a link from another site. I’m left wondering, how many more sites can be created that are filled with mindless “10 things that (insert off-hand topic here)” and the like, peppered with shock shots like this one. I get it, it either conjures up anger or a laugh (with the former actually drawing more attention), but at the end of the day many other sites do it better, while at least respecting mass loss of life. I wonder if this heck of an idea for an article will carry over to pro teams? I mean, you could wrap it up with the Yankees having a field covered in crumbling building debris and people on fire, that would be sure to keep ‘em coming back for more!
As a WVU fan, I’m not a fan of Marshall at all. However, the plane crash reference is in horrible taste. Many people died and a community/state/school was devastated. I don’t expect you to change anything, but I just wanted to voice my displeasure. Nobody needs to take that crash lightly.
The Marshall reference was pretty rotten….I’m thankful that no one knows anything about your sucky website…..there won’t be very many subjected to your idiocy.
The Marshall pic is not cool at all.
What a total idiot to make fun of plane crash victims, their families and friends. You will get yours !! Karma is a bitch…