Power Rankings: Bacon Flavored Booze, Soccer Babes, and America

BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD

It’s the Friday before the Fourth of July, and what’s more American than power rankings?

1 Bacon flavored vodka – Jesus, Mary, and Joseph that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. To be fair, that’s what I’ve said about every Billy Mays commercial ever made.

2 Soccer babes – Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that the American soccer team got knocked out of the World Cup last Saturday. Now America can return to not caring about soccer, but will continue to ogle it’s babes via the internet.

3 America – America makes the rankings for the second week in a row. Get yourself some bacon flavored booze, invite some babes over, and grill some meat to celebrate the birth of our nation.

4 NBA Free Agency – Finally, the wait is over and Lebron-a-mania can finally begin. LeBron is expected to make his announcement before the 5th. Will he go to the Heat? Will he go to the Knicks? Will he go to Chicago? Why would he possibly stay in Cleveland? Am I asking too many questions? Yes, yes I am.

5 Brock Lesnar – Brock returns to the octagon for tomorrow’s UFC Heavy Weight title bout against Shane Carwin. If I had to step into the eight sided geometric polygon against either of these guys I would crap myself, cry like a little girl, and beg for mercy.

6-10 after the jump. (Some pics NSFW)

6 Holland – The Netherlands defeated Brazil 2-1 this morning to advance to the World Cup semi finals. Wesley Sneijder had two goals, one which went in off the back of Melo. Brazil will just have to drown their disappointment in Copacabana beach hotties.

7 Seantrel Henderson – The top offensive lineman in the high school class of 2010 is looking to get away from scandal ridden USC. He’s currently looking at Miami and Ohio State. HOWEVAH, Lane Kiffin says he can re-recruit the 6’8 300 lb tackle, and you have to think he has a shot. Have you seen his wife?

8 Bacon bikinis – No explanation necessary.

9 Candy bikinis – Gets beat out by bacon bikini because bacon is WAY better than those candy pieces. Still, a very strong number 9.

10 Rasheed Wallace– The bald spot retired from the NBA earlier this week. He won a title in 2004 with the Pistons, and nearly won this year with Boston. Sheed wraps up his 15 year career with the most technical fouls in the history of the league. Truly one of the most outgoing personalities in sports. Highlights below.