At 9 p.m. tonight, LeBron James – the King to you mere mortals – will be part of a one-hour special on ESPN that he suggested so that he can tell Michael Wilbon which team he is choosing during his exclusive interview. Or, I guess, The Decision, as ESPN so brilliantly named it. Join us in the comment section throughout the evening as we’ll be giving our poignant thoughts, reactions and dismissive wanking motions to whatever the hell they’re going to fill this hour with. We’ll answer such questions as “Will LeBron stay in Cleveland?” and “Will Chris Broussard’s sources tell him which commercials are next?” and “Will Burnsy apologize to Stephen A. Smith?” and “What’s that burning smell?” And the answers will be: No. Yes. Hell no. Cleveland.
Join us after the jump for our predictions for LeBron James presents LeBron James in a LeBron James Television Extravaganza: The Decision featuring LeBron James as LeBron James.
Punte: I don’t really know if LeBron will stay in Cleveland or not, but I know this: he’d better enjoy every single moment of his little special tonight. I guess if you can’t enjoy winning a championship trophy, the next best thing is to pretend that you’re the trophy.
RealRyanWalsh: Cleveland fans will watch with baited breath as LeBron breaks their hearts to sign with the Knicks. After which, they’ll down the special Kool-Aid they made for the occasion, in what will be remembered as the largest ritual suicide in the history of man.
Shakey: Thousands of fringe Miami Heat fans will dig through their entire collection of clothes to find that old Alonzo Mourning Heat jersey they’re 60% sure they own as they anticipate the signing of LeBron James only to be crushed when LeBron realizes that this thing was so much fun he wants to extend the suspense another week. Then they’ll go to the beach and forget about the whole thing within five minutes.
Burnsy: He’ll go to Miami because it’s easy. If the Heat win a title, awesome. Great for Miami and the millions of new fans the Heat will have tonight. And great for LeBron for really earning it like all the legends. Subsequently, Stephen A. Smith will go hoarse with “I told you so” rants that he has written in case LeBron chooses the Knicks, Bulls, or Nets, too.
Leave your thoughts below, and we’ll be here until we blow our brains out.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1110/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Lincoln-Headband-2-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/lebron-james-funny-or-die-flopping-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/lebrons-block-on-splitter-was-great-but-this-still-is-the-greatest-block-of-all-time-with-leather1-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Manu-Pee-Pee-180x180.jpg)
T-minus 3 hrs and 20 minutes until Stephen A Smith looks like a jackass. Never mind, he already does.
I will make the first move: “FUCK YOU, DIMPIE! The Knicks are fucking terrible and deserve to be terrible for the next 200 years.”
Don’t go to Miami, LeBron! Your mom’s already a whore, we don’t need to see her in Heat!
My prediction is that wherever he decides to go, I’ll still wake up in the morning with less money in my back account than he has under the seat of his car, so I could give a fuck less. No matter where he ends up, he’s still going to be a selfish prick of a ball player.
Miami- A basketball doesn’t bounce worth a shit when it’s in three pieces.
Cleveland- That town is cursed, man. Seriously. It’s Cleveland. Nobody wins there.
Knicks- They’d have two of the better scorers in the League with the pairing of Stoudamire. Too bad two guys trying to outscore the entire other team while playing little to no defense doesn’t work for shit. I’m looking at you Stoudamire.
Nets- No fucking way.
Bulls- Would never, EVER, live up to the legacy of MJ.
The way I see it, he stays in Cleveland, gets Chris Paul there somehow and at the end of the day, ends up retiring as the richest athlete in the world without ever winning a title.
I’m from Cleveland so I expect the worst. Personally, I’ve never cared too much about him because its basketball. The only reason I want him to stay is because our economy is shit and the guy brings in money.
But if he leaves he’ll join Art Modell as the most hated person in Cleveland sports history. If he would have won us a title I could see fans forgiving him leaving. But if he leaves now, this place will meltdown. When the dust clears everyone will mark his first game back in Cleveland down and shit will hit the fan.
No matter what happens, the Browns season starts tomorrow.
I’ll make this my one serious moment before it all goes out the window… If he does to Cleveland what everyone is predicting, he is a phenomenal piece of shit.
If he maintains his current Malonian trajectory at least we’ll have another unsuccessful mid-card monster truck to look forward to.
Burnsy, I think we’ve already had to realize what a piece of shit he is. WHO WOULD EVER HAVE THE GALL TO MAKE AN HOUR LONG SPECIAL OUT OF THIS? What are they going to talk about for an hour? Why am I still going to watch it? Last one’s easy, because I hate myself.
There’s a huge fire in the East Village already. New Yorkers take sports too seriously.
It’s nice that all of the advertising proceeds are going to charity.
It would be nicer if he donated all of his $20 mil/year salary to charity.
“What are they going to talk about for an hour?”
What have they been talking about for the past week? I already miss the comforting drone of the vuvuzelas.
I didn’t know until an hour ago he’s doing this at a Boys and Girls Club. It’s nice to be surrounded with light body armor.
Don’t put yourself through this. Watch the Community marathon on NBC instead.
Or I think Elf is going to be on TNT.
I gotta add, if you have read Drew’s take on LeBron over at Deadspin, it’s a must read. And, as it always pains me to say, I didn’t agree with anymore more than I did with Bill Simmons’ article today. Especially the Stephen A. Smith part, with the exception of an apology.
Also, some shlub from SI.com had a good piece about why LeBron is staying.
*haven’t
Apparently the Knicks sent Isiah Thomas to meet with LeBron for their final pitch to get him to New York. I did not make that sentence up.
I’d rather have sex with Cher than watch Elf, and I wrote a post on why I like Will Ferrell.
I usually hate Bill Simmons, but he made a pretty good argument on why LeBron going to Miami is a bad idea. More like a LeBad idea. And there’s the last LeBron pun I’ll ever make.
Burnsy- you can call me the Stephen A. Smith of Northeast Ohio. LBJ is staying home and bringing a championship to Cleveland, I have good sources telling me as much. And, who the HE!! do you work for?
Anyone wanna bet that The Decision closes with a closeup of a dark silhouette and slowly Carmelo appears, looks right into the camera and whispers, “You thought this was bad?”
Chris Paul signed with Bron Bron’s marketing team today..plans are being developed for a feature length film to be made by 2012.
I don’t think I can possibly stress this enough:
I do not care. At all.
El Dub- you cared enough to post. Thank you, you fell for the hype
You know what we all need to do? Go on iTunes and listen to Joe Walsh’s I Love Big Tits. I couldn’t find it on youtube because the world is stupid.
I love people who are convinced he’s already completely set on the Miami Heat. Mainly because if that’s the case then he is indeed arrogant enough to destroy a city.
Burnsy- I agree with you. Not even Art Modell would go on TV and rip the hearts out of his hometown and a city that he has lived in his whole life. The citizens of Cleveland will go French Revolution on the King and reenact the Storming of the Bastille.
I love how Chris Broussard is backtracking right now on ESPN about Miami…
for what its worth, he’s gonna stay. And get CP3 next year.
I can’t stop laughing over “I’d say he’s 80 to 85% signing with Miami… That’s my sources, but my gut says Cleveland.”
I pray that the last minute transpires like such:
Wilbon: So, Lebron, the time has come to announce to the world… which team are you going to be playing for?
James: Well, as I have said time and time again, Ohio is my home, so I have chosen to play for Cleveland next year.
*Lebron reaches behind desk*
*holds up jersey*
James: That’s right, come next fall I will be playing for the Cleveland Browns.
*Wilbon makes Dreamworks face*
“LeBron has told the people around him that he’s leaving Cleveland, but his people won’t say anything about his decision.” Gold mine.
That’s right, turn that knife, ESPN. Let the blood pour out.
Sponsored by Bing and the University of Phoenix… is somebody playing a joke on me?
If I were Lebron, I’d do one of the following two things:
I drag out the announcement another week. I’d plug my friend’s marketing company, then tease the fans.
Or
I sign a contract with some obscure Eastern team like the Toronto Raptors ( or the Milwaukee Bucks? They suck, right?) and then go on a 55 minute tirade about why the media is so fucking stupid and how his new Step-Father is the reason why he isn’t re-signing with the Cavs … 15 minutes later, I’m sure Delonte West will be beaten to a pulp. It’ll be titillating.
Burnsy – the University of Phoenix offers the course “Introduction to Bing”
I swear to God if he drags this out for the whole hour I will punch something.
If we’re lucky, midway through the hour his mom, Delonte West, and Shaq will tweet that they’re having a threesome.
Pretty sure the Heat are Wade’s team. I’m from SoFla. I’ve been down there plenty since 2006. That guy is a god. LeBron is not taking over this team. Last time I checked, the guy with a ring leads the team.
“Since we’re reporting that LeBron is basically on the Heat, let’s go see what Chicago’s chances are.” I assume it’s a split of 10 to 15% with Cleveland and New York.
2010 – 2011 season marks the beginning of Adam Morrisons team leadership?
Anyone else crying? This is so touching…
I can’t believe you guys are pregaming LeBronapalooza. I’ve got a headache just thinking about Broussard talking about his sources.
Does anyone else think ESPN just planted these sources just to get people off track? This should not be in sports.
My sources report that LeBron was seen buying marshmallows for the fire that will be his home at 9:13pm tonight.
“I’ve received more confirmations from sources today that it is the Miami Heat.” Says the guy with the Cleveland gut feeling. Meanwhile every sentence ends with: “But nobody knows what he’s doing.”
Chris Broussard looks like the result of a three-way between David Caruso, Seth Green and Whitney Houston.
One can only hope for a terrorist attack on Greenwich, CT
Anyone else getting audio? All I can hear is a lot of slurping and gagging.
Holy hyperbole blowjob.
I wonder how fast they can take down the Witness poster here in Cleveland if he signs elsewhere.
Because Cleveland fans won’t hesitate in burning that building down.
I just wish he’d come out and say “I’ve put considerable thought into this. And the team that I’m going to be on for the next several years is…..Team Jacob!”
Um, excuse me, I was under the impression this was LeBron’s show?
I will apologize to Stephen A. Smith. I’m sorry they replaced him with a low rent version of himself.
Heat have pulled their “Welcome LeBron” ad from the local paper. Confirmed.
The real travesty? NOBODY’S LETTING JON BARRY TALK!
Jesus this program is difficult to watch. Stuart Scott and Wilbon on the same program is like having having your ear raped by walrus.
They’re saying they pulled it because they don’t have any contracts signed. I’m saying they pulled it because they’re going to make insert jizz rags.
My second favorite quote of the night is “And Cleveland fans, bless their hearts… still holding out hope.”
This could be the turning point for Cleveland sports. This guy could change our luck. He comes back and breaks the curse with a championship. Holmgren turns the Browns into a winner. All the young guys the Indians got for Lee, Sabathia, Martinez, and everyone else we dumped mature and become winners.
This is the first break God is going to give Cleveland since Jim Brown.
i really cant stand hearing these espn people say “my sources” anymore. It is quite obnoxious
One thing you can’t control is you never know.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???
Has he picked a team yet? I’m watching the Iron Maiden doc., Flight 666 on Paladia.
Fuck this guy!
Scum. Bag.
“It’s not about sharing. It’s about everyone having they own spotlight.”
Words to live by, future champions.
Is LeBron wearing a crown?
World’s top 5 Scumbags:
1) Osama
2) Castro
3) Kim Jung Il
4) LeBron James
5) Tony Hayward
Looks like I owe Stephen A. Smith an apology. He was dead on. Remember when he said: “My sources guarantee that I will say they guarantee the Knicks, but they actually guarantee all three to the Heat as a done deal. But along the way, they’ll visit other teams, repeatedly meet with these teams and other free agents and then make their decisions one at a time, and definitely not with LeBron making his choice first.” Man, that is some serious wizardry.
So it’s LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Chalmers, Beasley and maybe Mike Miller. Domination.
I’m getting power outage flashes up here. I think the rioters are trying to knock out power grids so they don’t have to see this dick on TV anymore.
SAS FTW!
so good i think nice
information is too helpul thanx for posting
Can somebody please photoshop the “MOMMY NO!” picture of LeBron to include Dwyane Wade and Bosh?
The King?
No. Winners are kings.
This guy is D-Wade’s bitch now, coming along to ride his coattails so we can call him prince at best. Or better yet, Princess James.
Man, I dont even follow the NBA that much except for playoffs (i love sports like NHL and NBA who keep harping that the real season doesnt mean anythgin since all teams go in. no one works harder to convince people not too watch the regular season) and I want him to fail badly for the way he fucked over his hometown on prime time. Had he just signed and had a press conference in Miami with his new jersey, we would have felt bad for Cleveland and forgotten about it but that was beyond shitty.
As for ESPN, not surprised. Its not journalism, so you dont have to worry about ethics. They are about the same level as WWE.
And bravo to Maverick Carter, instead of doing work like a real agent, he managed to get his client hated my most people who didnt even have a horse in the race.
Is Maverick the same a-hole who got Ricky Williams to sign his famous NO contract?
Would any other player ever dream of signing with this idiot?
On a purely basketball level, the KG, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce trio made perfect sense since those three guys have talents that complement each other perfectly.
The Heat have to guy who love to massage the ball, who think drive first, shoot second and pass only if you have nothing better. Their skills dont complement each other, tehy are identical.
And Bosh? WTF is that? A skinny ass forward who hates playing center, sucks at defense, has bad knees and needs his 15-20 shots per game to get into the groove. A guy who cant go and get his own points a la Shawn Marion or Amare but will barely see any plays drawn for him. THink iso, iso and more iso.
The first two dont make sense together but at least a good third star could maybe cover the deficiencies of King Wade and Princess Peach, Bosh does not do that at all.
This could be as delicious as watching the Isiah era Knicks fail.
I know when I heard they were getting Stevie Francis to come to NYC to play with Starbury, I thought it was the funniest shit around. With any luck, we could maybe get a repeat.
Princess Lebron, the man who makes Modell look good.