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It’s no secret that the Jacksonville Jaguars are struggling. The team has gone 12-20 in the past two seasons and hasn’t made the playoffs since 2007, but it’s troubles don’t end there. The team has recently received criticism for only opening their intra-squad scrimmage to season ticket holders, and Vic Ketchman, senior editor of Jaguars.com, explained why on the team’s website.

In the most clear way possible, Ketchman makes the case that the Jaguars have reached a crisis point, if that wasn’t already clear.

“Ticket sales, not the futures of David Garrard and Jack Del Rio, is the number one issue confronting this team, and it’s not about next year’s ticket sales or growing the fan base for 2020, it’s about selling tickets for this year. This is it,” Ketchman says.

“This is save the whale and, from my perch on the beach, the whale is struggling to live. I think everyone would do well to understand that the radical nature of this decision underscores the team’s desperation to sell tickets. The team knew this decision would be harshly criticized, yet, it went forward with it. Why do you think it did? If your answer is that we have reached the tipping point, then you are a logical person.” –PFT

That sounds like a pretty foreboding message coming from the Jags front office. But I’m still shocked. A poorly managed team in a small market isn’t making money, you say? Why, that’s impossible! Next, you’ll be telling me of flying machines, and moving pictures that dance and make noise in a box I put in my sitting room!

They should have the sad trombone play every time Ketchman speaks, and introduce him as Debbie Downer. “We lost another million because the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is destroying our state’s economy, and we couldn’t sell tickets before that, either.” He’d say, “Did I mention that David Gerrard is our quarterback, and that we drafted Matt Jones in the first round a couple years ago? Oh, and we also drafted Tyson Alualu with the 10th overall pick in this years draft, whose only value is in the hilarity of his name.” By then, Ketchman would be laughing hysterically and would have a crazy, far off look in his eye. Somewhere, Donald Trump is rubbing his hands together and laughing smugly.