We get a lot of reader tips and links, and even if I personally don’t tell you so, I’m grateful for everyone that takes the time to write in and share their findings with us. I was especially grateful for this submission from sexy reader Cory, who sent us a breakdown of Nike’s epic “Write The Future” ad, and the dissection is just as impressive as the shoe company’s original three-minute ode to the World Cup.
(0:00) – Didier Drogba – Ivory Coast – Broke his arm before the tournament, still scored a goal. Team out of the World Cup.
(0:31) – Fabio Cannavaro – Italy – Italy only managed draws against Paraguay and New Zealand (they’re [sic] greatest soccer result ever) and gave up 3 goals and lost to Slovakia (they’re first WC as an independent nation and greatest win ever). Team out of the World Cup.
(0:45) – Wayne Rooney – England – Didn’t score a goal in the WC and was really a non-factor in England’s huge disappointment. England only scored 2 goals in the group stage. Team out of the World Cup.
More analysis, the full video and more after the jump.
(0:57) – Franck Ribery – France – Didn’t score a goal in the WC and was a non-factor in France’s debacle. France only scored 1 goal in the group stage. Team out of the World Cup.
*guest appearance* (1:10) – Tim Howard and Landon Donovan – USA – Howard likely cracked some ribs and Donovan actually shined. Rare exception. Team out of the World Cup.
*guest appearance* (1:40) – Roger Federer – tennis player – Upset after 6 previous Wimbledon titles. Out of Wimbledon.
(1:50) – Ronaldinho – Brazil – Didn’t even make Brazil’s final roster! Team still in the World Cup, though no thanks to him.
*guest appearance* (2:04) – Kobe Bryant – basketball player – Rare exception. Team won the NBA Finals and he was named Finals MVP [undeservedly -- Ed.]
(2:12) – Cristiano Ronaldo – Portugal – Scored a goal (which was pretty) in Portugal’s 7-0 rout of the WC’s worst team. Was a non-factor besides that. Team out of the World Cup.
It’s not Madden-curse-esque, but it’s still pretty remarkable (or unremarkable you could say).
Well done, Cory. It actually is quite remarkable. I personally love to see Nike athletes go down in flames, and 2010 has truly been a great year for that. But leave it to Homer Simpson to just wander into an athlete jinx and come out of the ordeal totally unscathed. What’s his secret? You know, besides not being a real, three-dimensional being…
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/caxirola-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/nike_no_cup_is_safe-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Bum-Bum-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Bama-8-180x180.jpg)
(they’re first WC as an independent nation and greatest win ever)
The Grammar Nazis would like a word with you. Be careful, their jackboots are Nike.
1:35 – 3 players from the Spanish team are also featured in the commerical – They are still in it.
BS. Of course most of the people shown in the commercial are out of the tournament. Most of the teams are now out of the tournament. And being that soccer is stupid, it seems an accepted fact that scoring goals is not the only measure of good play. If everyone in the commercial had suffered a horrible injury or France-style breakdown, that would be one thing. But by the end 31 of 32 teams will be sad…does that mean if players from those 31 were in this ad, there was a curse?
In other news, every person who ever lived before 1900 is cursed and that curse has caused them to die.
Nobody wrote the future better than Old Biff Tannen.
0:50 – 0:55, Theo Walcott was not selected by the English team either.
After Nike realized they were dumbasses with Ronaldinho, they created another ad with Robinho in the same vein, and he’s doing well.
/nerd
Well, there can only be one winner. Everyone at some point is going to lose. With that said, there are some bloggers who are queerly calling this a curse. I hope they get sodomized by a big black convict named leroy. Nike has made lots of commercials with soccer players who did well in the tournament.
On the plus side, Rooney’s vision of when he fails is becoming more true by the second.
And who would put Ronaldo in that video anyway? It’s a fact that Portugal plays better when he’s not playing, than when he is.
Hey Scottbergen and Jmac y’all are tards. Yeah no sh_t only one team can win, and 31 teams ultimately lose, thanks for summing up the complex mathematics of a freaking tournament. Stop worrying about the word curse, Punte and Cory don’t actually think there is a curse from that commercial. It’s a metaphor for people with brains. Truth is a lot of the players Nike put in that commercial flamed out in a big way, and that means Nike chose the wrong players to highlight before the Cup and also that many “big name” players failed on the biggest stage. It now is questionable how great some of those players are after their performance.
But anyway since 31 teams are losers, France and Italy didn’t suck any harder than the other 29 teams who will lose right? No, you’re idiots. It’s not about being out of the tournament, it’s about playing like crap even though they were supposedly the stars of world soccer. It’s about Nike wanting to find the biggest stars who will shine at the Cup to sell their product in the minds of buyers, but the players that were “name brand” failed to show their skill. That is what is noteworthy about the commercial. And imagining sodomy with a big black guy is fresh Jmac, there’s no repressed homo thoughts in that vision at all. The 90s will never die Jmac, forever young!
Relax! You point out that Nike put in the “name brand” athletes and some haven’t performed well or have been eliminated. I agree, but that’s not the point here. The point is that a lot of idiots are calling that a curse. I’d call it the luck of the draw. With 32 teams, there are 60-80 “name brand” players. They’re not all gonna win; they’re not all gonna score; and they’re not all gonna play amazingly the whole time.
Perhaps the WL folks were mocking the “curse” theory. So was I. Also, I don’t think you understand what “metaphor” means. God soccer is stupid.