While Carlos Zambrano is visiting team doctors to check on his mental well-being in the wake of last Friday’s hissy fit, the ace-turned-batting-practice-arm has still not addressed the team about his behavior. Even when teammate and close friend Alfonso Soriano tried to call him, Zambrano wouldn’t answer. But don’t worry, the $18 million-per-year meltdown hasn’t lost his phone, because he used it to call MLB TV’s Kevin Millar and give him the whole story. Or at least the version that best suits him.

Zambrano told Millar that someone needed to fire up the team, currently nine games back of the first place St. Louis Cardinals in the NL Central. So he approached Carlos Silva to orchestrate a blow-up, in which Silva would be the catalyst to success. Zambrano, of course, readily admits that he realized his failures this season couldn’t allow him to be the man to instill the winning desire in his teammates. Then he rode off on his platinum-armored stallion to defeat the evil moon dragon, Galacticron.

Beat the crap out of my Gatorade cooler, Fan Nation:

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Landon Donovan was a guest on the Late Show with David Letterman last night, and if you wanted to hear him talk about anything interesting, you were out of luck. Letterman decided not to address the rumors that Donovan impregnated an English woman. If the rumors are true, I’d be surprised. A soccer player’s penis can’t go very long without faking an injury.

The 28-year old Donovan, who is separated from but still married to actress Bianca Kajlich, star of the CBS sitcom “Rules of Engagement,” in response to a question by Sports Illustrated on Sunday did not deny the possibility of having fathered the child and promised to support the child if he proves to be the father.

Usually appearances by star athletes following major events are soft interviews, but Letterman had an opportunity to make some national news on Tuesday night by at least asking Donovan about the situation. –The Wrap

Letterman did have the chutzpah to ask Donovan’s opinion on the World Cup referees. Dave felt as if the officials were biased against the Americans, which I don’t feel is true. They suck equally for everyone. Read the rest of this entry »

Scottie Pippen shows off his latest business acquisition.

The famous American poet Christopher Wallace once wrote: “It’s like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.” If that is indeed the case, then Scottie Pippen has been problem free since 2002, as it was recently revealed in court that the Harpo to Michael Jordan’s Groucho has lost a huge deal of his career earnings in bad business decisions over the last eight years. In related news, I bought some Mac & Cheese last week and now it’s 2-for-1 at Publix.

Pippen was awarded a $2 million verdict on Monday, putting an end to a malpractice lawsuit the former Chicago Bull filed against the lawfirm of Pedersen & Houpt. Pippen was originally seeking $8.3 million as he alleged that the lawyers did a bad job of managing his purchase of a private jet in 2002, as well as other various investments. The jury’s decision was obviously considerably less than what Pippen was seeking, mainly because they think Pippen is full of doodie.

Tell me about these motorized icebergs, Chicago Sun-Times:

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There’s nothing worse in life than seeing a young person go down with an untimely death, and unfortunately three of them have happened quite recently. We like to glorify gladiator-like athletes as they lay it all on the line to entertain the masses with rippling muscles and extreme athleticism, but at times the journey to fan adulation can end in horrific tragedy.

On Friday a sophomore pole vaulter at Grinnell College, a tiny Division III school situated somewhere in Iowa, was attempting a practice vault when his attempt went horribly awry. Robert Zhongjie Yin died yesterday because of it.

One of his coaches Peggy Brooks gave this play-by-play of the accident: “When he was vaulting he went up, didn’t go up the pole well and went off to the side…he just went up and went past the bar, and went to the side and missed the mat.” -Frat House Sports

Hopefully better safety precautions will be used all over the United States because of this incident, because it’s heartbreaking to think that there’s even a chance that someone could be severely injured while pole vaulting, which is such a controlled environment. At least he got to go out doing something he (presumably) loved.

Michael Kirkham, a 6’9″ 190 pound amateur fighter with a career record of 3-3, made his professional MMA debut Saturday night. Things turned fatal when his frail frame was no match for his thicker built opponent and he was unable to stop the deadly blows that rained down upon his skull. MMA, which has long been maligned for being too gruesome, suffered their second casualty ever that night. Read the rest of this entry »

We get a lot of reader tips and links, and even if I personally don’t tell you so, I’m grateful for everyone that takes the time to write in and share their findings with us. I was especially grateful for this submission from sexy reader Cory, who sent us a breakdown of Nike’s epic “Write The Future” ad, and the dissection is just as impressive as the shoe company’s original three-minute ode to the World Cup.

(0:00) – Didier Drogba – Ivory Coast – Broke his arm before the tournament, still scored a goal. Team out of the World Cup.

(0:31) – Fabio Cannavaro – Italy – Italy only managed draws against Paraguay and New Zealand (they’re [sic] greatest soccer result ever) and gave up 3 goals and lost to Slovakia (they’re first WC as an independent nation and greatest win ever). Team out of the World Cup.

(0:45) – Wayne Rooney – England – Didn’t score a goal in the WC and was really a non-factor in England’s huge disappointment. England only scored 2 goals in the group stage. Team out of the World Cup.

More analysis, the full video and more after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

The Fourth of July is quickly approaching, and what better way to celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence than gratuitous gluttony? For years, the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, held on the Fourth of July, has been as American as baseball football, grilled meat, and grain alcohol. Japanese eating sensation, Takeru Kobayashi, is as American as Hello Kitty panty vending machines unbridled capitalism, as he has recently declared that he will sit out Nathan’s this year. The cause? Contract disputes with Major League Eating. Ironically, he’s asking for a bigger food stipend when on the road. In other news, people are still starving to death daily in Africa.

Kobayashi, perhaps the most recognizable figure in the world of competitive eating, is currently is ranked No. 3 in the world by Major League Eating, the organization that oversees the Nathan’s Famous event and dozens of other contests around the globe. Attempts to reach him were unsuccessful.

Is the slender 32-year-old from Japan too full to compete? Has he suffered another jaw injury? Nope. It’s a contractual dispute between him and MLE, according to the league.

Pro eaters sign contracts agreeing that they’ll participate in only MLE-sanctioned events; these contracts don’t guarantee pay for eaters, who instead earn money from league-approved endorsements and prize earnings. Richard Shea, the organization’s president, issued a statement Monday indicating that negotiations with the 160-pound pro eater had reached an impasse, but offered no other details. –WSJ

Kobayashi is ranked third in the world by Major League Eating, and I have no Idea who numbers 1 and 2 are (/searches Google). So they’re Joey Chestnut and Bob Shoudt, and much to my dismay, there’s not a big, fat guy to be found in their top 50. Christ, with so many people who are morbidly obease, you think we could get some bigger people to actually eat in competitions. Why are there skinny Asian women in a hot dog eating contest? They need to give JaMarcus Russell a call. Highlights of last year’s contest after the jump. They’re in HD, which is good, because now you can see the failure in their eyes. Read the rest of this entry »