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It’s late May, which means it’s time for our annual catch-up with Danica Patrick. Everyone seems to be getting all riled up about how Danica has never won anything, but the “uncensored” GoDaddy commercials where nobody gets naked are the true crime. Do I want domain registrars peddling that sort of smut? Why, yes. Yes I do.

Anyway, Danica was supposedly booed at qualifying for the Indianapolis 500 for comments about her car was the worst she had ever had. Her comments were audible through the public address system at the track, and according to reports, she was booed mightily. Wow, we’re ceding to the judgement of the people of Indianapolis? Wait until they have a auto race in Waco.

And then Danica was invited to ESPN for a press event, only to be held up at the gate with another driver. That sounds like a SportsCenter commercial there. She cannot get through the gate! The gate is narrow!

I’ll be honest. I think those of you whining about Danica’s presence in racing need to get a life. It’s Indy car racing. Why do you even care? Are you distraught that she’s taking away attention from…uh, that guy that was on “Dancing With The Stars?” Oh, what’s his name again? And the only reason we keep hearing about her is because the race is on ABC and we don’t know or care about any of the other drivers. And with your little kvetching, you’re making things worse. Yes, I’m complaining about you complaining about Danica Patrick. Now let’s just call this off before we rip a hole in the space-time continuum.