dwight howard

It’s a very strong field for the Suck-Off as we return from the break. Let’s meet our contestants.

  • Orlando Magic. While everyone else was getting fluffed up for a Cavs-Magic masterpiece of a series, Cleveland forgot to do its part in getting past the Celtics. Orlando seems to be following suit, as they dropped Game 1 of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals, 92-88. Somebody needs to explain to me why it’s “Conference Finals” in the NBA and “Conference Final” (singular) in the NHL. Dwight Howard was held to 13 points. That’s the Dwight Howard that I remember from last year’s playoffs.
  • Montreal Canadiens. Les habs got blown out in the first game of their conference final with the Flyers last night, 6-0. The NHL can’t really lose with this end of the final–they get a big-market team to play for the Stanley Cup Final either way, even if one resides north of the border. Still, Montreal shouldn’t be getting blown out in a conference final. We expected more from this scrappy 8-seed.
  • The entire NL Central Divison. The Cincinnati Reds are leading the Central for the first time since 2007. Suck it, Cubs fans. I’ve loved this team ever since they dumped Ken Sleepy, Jr. in 2008. They’re like a minor league team that somehow got lost in a shopping mall.

And the winner is…Dwight Howard. Way to not show up for another big game, Dwight. At least now you’ll get a couple calls in Game 2. Also getting calls on Tuesday night: your mom. She’s just begging for it.