UPDATE: And there’s the image.

texas stadium softball

No, this isn’t a picture from Vince Mancini’s colonoscopy, though everybody knows that dude eats way too many trans fats. That’s actually a softball, but of course nobody from Texas could figure that out, as evidenced by the demolition crew that began preparing to blow up Texas Stadium.

Workers found the mysterious balls everywhere – above the press box, behind the nosebleed seats and even near the tunnel the Cowboys used to run out onto the field.

No one knew why they were there.

It’s because human sperm can’t exist at ninety-eight point…oh, sorry, I’ve got something else on my mind.

The balls once belonged to the Southern Black Softball Association, an adult softball league made up of teams from Texas, Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi.

Players hit them all over the place. They had so many, they never went looking for them after the fact, Jordan said. –My FOX DFW, via FARK.

The adult softball league played throughout the 1990s and used white balls during the day, and yellow balls at night. But honestly, if you were a black guy, wouldn’t you just try to hit everything white as often as possible? I know I would. Unleashing repressed rage inspired by my ancestry sounds like a lot more fun than playing softball, anyway.