Picking up the first gold medal for the U.S., Hannah Kearney dominated the slushy moguls in Vancouver yesterday. She beat the thermal panties off Canadian skier Jenn Heil, with a score of 26.63.
Moments after Heil put up a score of 25.69 to catapult into first place, Kearney put together the run of a lifetime. The skier who admits she was once afraid of being upside down completed a backflip and a 360-degree turn before blazing across the finish line with the fastest time of the night.–Fan House
Kearney’s performance was a 180 from her 2006 Olympic showing in Turin, where she placed a disappointing 22nd while Heil beamed in 1st. However, that was on Italian soil. Canada has never won a gold on their own turf, and they had high hopes for Jenn.
Heil came in having won her last four World Cup events and was considered one of the nation’s best bets to finally reach the top of the podium in a home games. Prime Minister Stephen Harper showed up to cheer on Heil, hoping she could provide the golden moment the country had invested $110 million in as part of its “Own the Podium” program.–Fan House
As of this morning, Canada hasn’t earned a gold medal yet. With their “best bet” already down, maybe instead of “Own the Podium” they should focus on owning more realistic things. Like a maple farm. Or a bear that rides a unicycle and plays a trombone or something. I don’t care. Hannah Kearney is my hero. USA! USA! USA!
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Wait, you say Canada hasn’t won a medal, but your story says that the Canadian skier came second. Don’t they still give out medals for second place?
Typically American. The world hates you for a reason.
Good catch, Read! I got thrown off by the collapsed medals chart. Fixed it :)
Naturally, our athletes are choking again. Hamel also choked and didn’t even qualify for the medal round in speed skating.
But Heil wasn’t our best hope for a gold. You seem to forget about our women’s and men’s hockey team, as well as a few other people like Patrick Chan and others.
The women started off well by narrowly defeating the Slovakian hockey team 18-0.
Heil should have gotten bonus points for being sexy as hell
Jmac, she can’t be forgetting something she isn’t even aware of. Hell, I’m barely aware of who Patrick Chan is.
“As of this morning, Canada hasn’t earned a gold medal yet”
Wow, I didn’t know the Olympics ended after one day of competition! Looks like they should just give up now since it doesn’t matter anymore!
This article is garbage. Bring back Punte.
Jesus tapdancing Christ, Canada homers- calm the fuck down. He said “As of this morning”. If you haven’t realized that 99% of the content on this site is presented tongue-in-cheek, then you’re earning the reputation that the Simpsons gave you.
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Alex Bilodeau and his gold medal say hi!
Oh, and the reason we are so uptight about this – our Canuckian media has been bashing us over the head with this ‘never won gold on home soil’ crap non-stop. It would kill anyone’s sense of humour. And in closing, ‘how’s that ‘hopey-changey’ working out for you, UhmericaH????’
Canada won gold in impressive fashion… ups for them! Now it’s time for you all to unpucker your Canuck buttholes. It’s not our fault your media gave your sports fans a nation-wide inferiority complex.
To the loser “Go Canada Go”
It’s more like little punk worthless countries envy us. I know it’s hard being the little brother – strike that, the little baby sister to the United States, but that’s OK. Someone has to be able to make good beer, improv troops, and…well…Hockey…
Now don’t you feel better? By the way, this is only directed to he and other American haters. A lot of Canada, at least that outside their cities, is great. Good people who don’t know how so much of their country has turned into Europe “lite.”
aww thanx timinphx, and may I say, a lot of america is, at least outside there…. bwah ha ha ha! sorry, couldn’t do it, you suck!
Who got the last laugh..?