The woman who allegedly engaged in a lascivious, torrid affair with Tiger Woods finally has spoken up. And she’s denying everything. Rachel Uchitel, who I guess does VIP services in New York (I know, services) says that she like only met Tiger like a few times, and they were really professional and stuff.

“I may have asked him if he needed anything. I hung out at the door to make sure they were OK, and when they were ready to leave, I walked them downstairs to the car. That’s my job. Then I heard rumors I was making out with him at Griffin, that I had brought him in to Griffin. [I guess Griffin is a club or something in this instance, and not the totally awesome mythological animal --Ed.]

“I had never spoken to him before that. I had met him once in my entire life before that, for two seconds at a bar through a mutual friend who just introduced me. Period. He was shy and quiet and sitting with someone else. It had nothing to do with me. –NY Post

I knew Tiger Woods would never cheat on his wife, because a married person with two kids would never do that sort of thing. Tiger had to pull out…of his upcoming charity golf tournament in California. And he’s still not talking to police. Not that they would have anything interesting to say. It’s always “How’s it going?” or “Let’s go to jail” with those people.