Tiger Woods is waiting in the clubhouse for the storm to blow over. It won’t.
Less than two weeks after crashing his Cadillac into a tree, Tiger has been run over by the tabloids, as a seemingly endless Parade of Whores revealed story after story of the professional golfer’s philandering ways. It’s worth noting that celebrity magazines–and not the sports media outlets–have been setting the pace in covering the greatest fall from grace by an athlete since State of California v. Orenthal James Simpson. Tiger’s announcement from his website that he would temporarily retire from golf was just latest twist in a saga where each new episode has been more mindblowing than the one that came before.
Tiger just wants to be left alone, which is a bad thing to want from the world’s most recognizable athlete. Tiger’s public status–as a (former?) golfer and product pitchman–will make such an endeavor for privacy impossible to achieve. And by hiding at home, where he’s supposedly focusing his attention “on being a better husband, father, and person,” he has eliminated the singular mechanism that would allow any of us to forget about this amazing Parade of Whores, a Parade that may or may not even be over.
I hold no scorn for Woods. The questions of “How could he cheat on his beautiful wife” are as idealistic and pointless as “How could he win the Masters by 11 shots?” Or “How could he win the US Open on one leg?” All of those aforementioned events are aberrations from what Normal People could even fathom, let alone accomplish. A man with so many conquests in a white man’s game can only ignore so many cocktail waitresses.
There are better ways to rebuild one’s family. Playing abroad–where the tabloid situation could possibly be worse–would give Tiger some time away from at least the American press, and at the same time give the guy some momentum for his comeback on American soil. And that’s really what we’re waiting for. A comeback from the guy that spend so many Sundays in the lead is the ending that this amazing story deserves. And instead of spending the coming months curled up in the corner of the clubhouse, Tiger Woods needs to put that red shirt back on and figure out how the hell he’s going to finish this thing.
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Do you want to hear the horrible truth, or do you want to watch me drive it 400 yards?
“…white man’s game…”
This dumb fuck is the whitest golfer alive.
I registered just to say this. I agree with you that it is idealistic and pointless to ask those questions but there is one glaring question that I haven’t seen ask: Why the fuck did he get married in the first place?
You can’t tell me that he wasn’t like this before he met his wife. I seriously doubt she introduced him to his first vag and from then on out he had to screw he could. I am not saying don;t have sex. Hell fuck them all if you want, but why get married and still do it, Tiger? You cost yourself millions, your reputation and just made yourself look like a total douche.
Shit, he might as well get a place right across the street from The Sun at this point. Euro press won’t slack off.
face –> palm.
Is Tiger from south central, suddenly? “white man’s game”? He went to STANFORD, not Grambling…for fuck’s sake.
Tiger set himself up with good boy talk like,
“In a trailer for the interview, conducted in Australia last month before Woods on Friday admitted to infidelity in his marriage, sports broadcaster Murray Deaker asks the golfer: “Family first and golf second. Always be like that?”
“Always,” Woods replied.
The interview, for the pay-television Sky network, which is owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp, was arranged by Woods’ New Zealand caddie Steve Williams.”
I really don’t care if he picks up a stick, again.
And doggone it, people like Tiger!
– Stuart Smalley
Get ready for one of the most amazing “comebacks” ever. Jim Nantz will never let you forget it when it happens.
Just like the beginning of your second sentence says, it’s been less than two weeks.
Am I the only one who thinks the most memorable thing Tiger could do would be to pull a Bobby Fischer/Fast Eddie and disappear for 15-20 years?
Then he could show up at the 2029 Masters with a gray beard, scraggly hair, granny glasses, and a Nike-branded wolf pelt and belt out an 18-over-par while telling every media whore to go fuck themselves.