10.23.09 WEEKEND PICKS: THE NFL’S BALLOON BOY

Every Friday, in some form or another, we pick the winners of the weekend’s hottest matchups. HOME TEAMS are in all caps, just like your mom when she sneaks out of my house every Thursday night.

Georgia Tech -6 over VIRGINIA. Thomas Jefferson founded both the University of Virginia and the single-wing offense that Georgia Tech currently employs. But only one of them is run by people that don’t get paid. That’s progress.

Ball State -3 over EASTERN MICHIGAN. Muncie Madness! Ball State is 0-6; Eastern is 0-7. Somebody has to win this one. Where have you gone, Charlie Batch?

CINCINNATI -18 over Louisville. Tony Pike for wrist surgery Heisman! And for the weak link in my four-line parlay.

MICHIGAN +4.5 over Penn State. Joe Paterno will die during this game. Either that, or he won’t. IT COULD GO EITHER WAY!

Iowa +1 over MICHIGAN STATE. I’m liking the Big Ten ‘dogs this week. Though the only thing Michigan State should be favored in involves a rowdy auctioneer and a stack of pies.

Washington State +35 over CAL. I take back what I said about Cincy -18. Washington State has GHB’d me in the past, and they’ll probably do it again tomorrow.

TEXANS -3 over 49ers. Houston was one of the few bets I made money on in Vegas last week. Here’s hoping that the good times continue.

BENGALS +0 over Bears. Whatever. I might pull my Bengals gear out of the closet if they can pull this one out.

Vikings +5.5 over STEELERS. Look at me! I’M BETTING LIKE A LITTLE KID!