10.02.09 POWER RANKINGS: BLAME IT ON RIO

SITE NEWS: Weed AGAINST Speed returns to WL this weekend. Come back tomorrow and Sunday and enjoy his magic.

Power Rankings are a total waste of time. Except when we do them. Then, they kick ass.

1. A Summer Olympics within one hour of Eastern Daylight Time. Rio de Janerio was awarded the 2016 Games, while American bloggers everywhere either rejoice in Chicago’s failure to deliver the Games back to America, or condemn those rejoicing. Hey, some people don’t care about the Olympics as much as Obama does, okay?

2. Shania Twain. Not terrible-looking at all.

3. Bacon. Haha, Weiner. Uh, just kidding, bro. Rest in peace and stuff.

4. The New Cowboys Stadium. Party ass > Party Pass.

5. Alaska-Fairbanks hockey. That polar bear would destroy anything this side of Voltron.

6. Stripper Poles, Midgets, and Tons of Candy! Cancelling a party featuring little people is always a bad omen for a marriage. Just ask Nicole Kidman. Wait, that really doesn’t make any sense.

7. The Exaggeration Of Kimbo Slice’s Demise. Despite his loss on The Ultimate Fighter, he’s still the central character of that show. His rebound from the defeat and continued training should make for compelling viewing.

8. Better Living Through Non-Sequitur. Thanks to everyone supporting my Andy Rooney character over at KSK. Some people still want God to come back. Join the club. They meet every Sunday.

9. OMG Zack Greinke! Seriously, how do you NOT give this guy the AL Cy Young? Give him the NL Cy Young, while you’re at it. He’s that good.

10. Paper Bags in DC. FedEx Field is about to get a lot more handsome.