10.16.09 POWER RANKINGS: ALWAYS BET ON RED

1. Isla Fisher. Red on the head like a noodle on a poodle. Wait, that’s not sexy at all. But she is.

2. Blogs With Balls In Las Vegas. I’m starting to worry about Punte. But he did pass along this video.

3. NFL Highlights Via Tecmo Bowl. Even though it’s getting played out, I’m still not getting tired of this bit.

4. Tracy Morgan Appearing In Time. Is it totally awesome that Tracy Morgan was in the magazine? Yeah, it’s totally awesome.

5. ESPN Anchors Acting Like They’re On The Carol Burnett Show. A pie in the face? You gotta be kidding me. Seriously, which anchor secretly wishes he was Tim Conway? On the other hand, Josh Elliott wishes he was in Tim Conway, by the way.

6. Owen Schmitt’s Bloody Forehead. There’s not much to say here. Owen Schmitt is completely whacked.

7. Balloon Boy. I’m not kidding. I had no idea this was going on. Is that a bad thing or a good thing? I’m going with good. And what kind of name is Falcon? By name alone, he is condemned to eternal douchetardery. Screw that kid.

8. Anthony Kim. Party on, my Asian brother. Party on.

9. Pervert High School Basketball Coaches. If they’re not whackin’ off in Costco stores, they’re nailing minors. What gives?

10. Mike Tyson On Oprah. I cannot confirm this, but I heard that the Big O gave everyone in the audience a one-way trip to Bolivian. Except for Tyson. He’s already taken up permanent residence there.