Yeah, you were jackin’ it.

Allow me to introduce to you Mr. Kyle Cameron Dennis, a 37-year-old high school math teacher and varsity boys basketball coach at Capital High School in Boise. It seems that Mr. Dennis is unable to avoid the seductive atmosphere of the stores of the retail chain Costco, as the basketball coach was arrested for what appears to be whipping out his willie and putting himself through an aggressive round of ball-handling drills.

Chuck McClure, Boise Police public information officer, says Kyle Dennis, 37, was arrested after multiple instances of “obscene live conduct” that took place at two Boise retail outlets starting in February of this year.

According to court documents, Dennis “knowingly engaged in obscene conduct…by manipulating his penis with his hands while walking around a Costco store with an erection.”

The documents go on to say that Dennis performed the same behavior at the Costco on 2051 S. Cole Road as well as the Walmart on Overland in June.

Dennis, who teaches geometry and coaches basketball at Capital High School, was arrested Monday at 6:30 a.m. He allegedly walked around the stores performing the behavior in front of other shoppers. via. via.

A serial public masturbator? And not only in Costco stores, but in a WalMart as well? I can’t even imagine being able to achieve an erection in a WalMart. Those white trash breeding grounds that masquerade as areas of commerce are major boner-killers. Not that I would know.

And what is the deal with high school coaches these days? Back when I was in high school, the worst thing that happened involving coaches was when one of them made out with your homecoming date while the football team held you down and made you watch.

Just me? I guess going to that Mormon high school wasn’t such a great idea after all. I suppose, in hindsight, hiring a registered sex offender to coach football wasn’t such a wise move, either. I’m still choosing to blame the Mormons, though. Jerks.