09.18.09 WEEKEND PICKS: ‘OH, BILLLYYYY!!!’

At the end of each Friday, we pick the winners to the world’s best matchups in all of sport. And sometimes baseball. Home team in ALL CAPS.

Tonight: Stampeders -3.5 over TIGER-CATS. Why is Hamilton’s team name hyphenated? Did they get divorced? Reminds me of Helena Tillman-Katz, my old Jewish neighbor. She sucked at football, too.

FRESNO STATE +8 over Boise State. I don’t bet against teams that have random consonants on the backs of their helmets. Either way, don’t count on Boise State covering here.

Saturday: MICHIGAN -24 over Eastern Michigan. The bus ride from Ypsilanti to Ann Arbor will be about 30 minutes. But it won’t matter, because the Eagles are genuinely terrible, and the Wolverines couldn’t be hotter right now.

Tennessee +30 over FLORIDA. Lane Kiffin’s trash talking has made this the game of the day. But he’s not gonna like the result. Can he sell “Urban couldn’t cover” to next year’s recruits?

NOTRE DAME -10 over Michigan State. Same ol’ Spartans.

Cincinnati -1.5 over OREGON STATE. Homer pick.

Mayweather -350 over Marquez. “Sting like a bee” over “Drink your own pee.”

Cro Cop +110 over Cigano dos Santos. Cro Cop is the guy I’ve heard of. Plus his name has the word “cop” in it. He’s a slight ‘dog in UFC 103’s big fight.

Sunday: JETS +4 over Patriots. New England should have lost against the Bills last week. They won’t get lucky again.

Rams +10 over REDSKINS. Unsilent took the Redskins, which means I must take the Rams.

Raiders at CHIEFS, under 38.5. Jamarcus Russell vs. Brodie Croyle. Need I say more…

BILLS -5 over Buccaneers. Redemption game. Fred Jackson will enjoy the limelight while he still has it.

Giants +3 over COWBOYS. Scoreboard.

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