09.16.09 GOLF IS TIRING, ACCORDING TO GOLFERS

If you think your job is so tiring, you should try playing golf for a living. Some people get mad when you say “playing golf” as opposed to “golfing,” but it’s almost pointless even bringing that up. Either way, those bastards on the PGA Tour have it so rough, I just want to walk right up to one of them and squeeze him with a big ol’ sponsorship exemption.

Tiger Woods talked about it last week, saying, “It’s a lot of golf for me. I normally don’t play this much … You’ve got to alter your practice.” Camilo Villegas went to his Twitter, complaining, “Home … way too much golf in the last two months … I still don’t get it, every sport has an offseason but I guess we don’t.” –Bacon.

The sense of entitlement that those little pricks have absolutely sickens me. Most of em should be grateful that (a) their tournaments aren’t being cancelled like those in the LPGA, or experiencing cutbacks in capital like NASCAR (b) that they’re still enjoying quality purses while teams in the NHL, NBA and even the NFL are preparing to draw battle lines over payroll, if they haven’t already. Oh, and (c), your job consists of walking around and occasionally hitting a ball with a stick.

Hey, Villegas: Maybe if you didn’t try and hump the green every time you lined up a putt, you might be able to squeeze out more than 2 PGA Tour wins. And I’m not even including all the extra rest that you enjoy from peeing sitting down all the time. Go get a desk job in Colombia if you’re too tired from golfing. If you can find a desk there that’s not littered with cocaine. If nothing else, you can always go into business with Lawrence Taylor.