At the end of every week, we pick the winners to the weekend’s most flirtatious matchups. We call it WEEKEND PICKS for some reason. Home teams are in ALL CAPS.

FLYING JUNK over Formula race drivers. This is the second time within a week that a European driver has caught a flying object on the track with his face. Felipe Massa is in reportedly stable condition after a loose spring from another car made contact with his head, apparently knocking him unconscious. European debris is so much more unruly than American debris.

TONIGHT: ASTROS -133 over Mets. The Mets suck.

Padres +1.5 over “NATINALS.” Also taking the over (9). If only the Padres could string together the amount of fail that so effortless spews from Nationals Park. And apparently “capitol” only has an O when referring to the building (ie–the capitol in the capital city). I felt compelled to point that out.

Rangers at ROYALS, under 9. Zack Greinke was lit up for one whole run yesterday, ballooning his ERA to 2.04. If he was stung by a bee, then his EAR would blow up. See what I did there? Yeah, that was dumb.

Dynamo -1 over REVOLUTION. Also, GALAXY +0 over Wizards, because suddenly we care about David Beckham again. Whatever, Dave.

TOMORROW: Contidor over FIELD. Tough nut, Lance. Maybe next year.