POWER RANKINGS are just another stupid weekly anti-post that writers use to kill space. Except when we do them. Then they kick ass.

1. JAKE PEAVY TRADED. The Friars picked up five minor league prospects for Peavy, who agreed to waive the no-trade clause in his contract to go to Chicago. His ankle that suffered tendon damage is out of its boot and he’s starting rehab. Meh, see you in 2010, Jake.

2. Detroit Lions rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford. He’s already showing some great game here. He’ll go over great with all of those beefy, jobless women in Michigan.

3. Bacon. It’s a weapon of mass destruction! Unless you’re a woman with poor metabolism, and then it’s a weapon of “ass destruction.” Bam!

4. Victor Mattinez Bobblehead Day. One small detail that probably won’t help the Cleveland Indians’ promotion tomorrow? They just traded Victor Martinez. Whoops.

5. Shiantology. I’m a believer! Wait, no I’m not! No no no no no no no no no no no…

6. MORE MLB TRADES: NICK JOHNSON TO MARLINS. Aaron Thompson, welcome to the Terrordome.

7. White guys named “Blackie.” Wonderfully inappropriate.

8. Kirk Herbstreit’s house. They burned it down to the ground so he could take a tax writeoff. But apparently the IRS ain’t havin’ it. I thought people from Ohio State only burned things when they won.

9. Books about beer pong. Because if there’s another thing people that play beer pong do, it’s read.

10. The Madden 10 Intro video. I’ve seen better.