I wish this was a quirkier story, but it’s just your typical shortstop-meets-marsupial tale.

Rangers infielder Omar Vizquel has three pet kangaroos at his home in Seattle. … via.

He’s even brought them into the clubhouse for games, as he did last week. And…yeah, that’s it. I guess they have names and stuff. We’ll say one’s named Ester…uh, the big one’s called Thelonious, and the little guy there, we call him Sugar Ray. Although he might be a girl. Sugar Rae, then. Man, that was a horrible band. Is this like Michael Jackson with the chimp? Are we talking about the same dynamic here? Because nothing would be more awesome than hanging out with three kangaroos that dress exactly like me. At least then I’d finally be able to host that poker game. Kangaroos play pocket pairs like you wouldn’t believe.