07.25.09 OJ SIMPSON: MY CELLMATE WANTS TO KILL ME

I know what you’re thinking, “What’s OJ Simpson has been up to lately.” Pies? You were thinking of pies? Eh, I was close. Anyway, Simpson’s still in jail, where he’s been since he was sentenced to 15 years in prison in December for armed robbery. And it sounds like he’s really starting to fit in with the guys at Lovelock Correctional Center in Nevada, according to the National Enquirer:

According to the tabloid, Simpson has told pals, “My cellmate is nuts. He’s a killer, and he hates me. He told me that he is in prison for murder and rape, and he hates my guts because I got away with murdering my ex-wife.

“He’s told me he is going to strangle me in my sleep the first chance he gets.” via.

Sheesh. Roommates, ya know? They’re either drinking all your milk or moving your car keys around or threatening to end your life with their bare hands. You’d think they’d put the rapists together with the other rapists so they could bond over their common ground. Bond against each other’s will, anyway. Seems appropriate to me, as long as one guy isn’t using all the hot water. Thanks, flubby.