JAPANESE BASEBALL ROBOTS!
07.24.09Japanese scientists took a break from their usual routine of genetically engineering octopi with penis-tentacles to develop baseball-playing robots.
The pitching robot, with its three-fingered hand, can throw 90 percent of its pitches in the strike zone, won’t need any relief from the bullpen and never asks for a pay rise…. [it] can throw 40 kph (25mph) strikes.
Incredibly slow pitches thrown accurately? OH MY GOD, Jamie Moyer’s a robot!
The batting robot, which has a sensor to determine if pitches are strikes or balls, hits balls in the strike zone almost 100 percent of the time, doesn’t swing at pitches outside the strike zone, and is guaranteed to pass all drug tests.
I don’t like where this is going. The Yankees are going to shell out for all the good Japanese robots and the small-market clubs will be left with inferior technology. The Royals starting third baseman will be a series of levers and pullies operated by a carnie. Which is an upgrade from the hobo they’ve got now. [via]


The batting robot, which has a sensor to determine if pitches are strikes or balls
There has got to be a better use for technology like this…for instance, replacing umpires.
The Royals starting third baseman will be a series of levers and pullies operated by a carnie. Which is an upgrade from the hobo they’ve got now.
Yeah, 2nd overall draft pick…hobo?? yeah…I see the connection.
Tentacles? Rape?
Wait a sec, you’re actually a Royals fan , Mrs. Parker? I thought you were just hot and bothered for Zach Grienke. I’m sooooo sorry, that must be tough.
Yeah, 2nd overall draft pick…hobo?? yeah…I see the connection.
Yeah! And also, NONE of the Royals are actually hobos! This site needs to check its facts.
Yes, but what happens when the pitching robot develops a heart?
/60-year old Twilight Zone reference (timely!)
Who are the Royals?
My question is: Will this double as fuck machines?
@ Biggie…it is a curse. I blame living in KC and being alive in 1985.
I was 2 in 1985 and I’m pretty sure I knew they sucked then…
/hides in armored car
/lights Vagoo’s car on fire.
IT’S ARMORED!!!
\pees on Vagoo’s smoldering remnants of an armoured car (for the purpose of putting it out, not to be a dick)
I was 3 in 1985, and busy finding out just who this “Zig-Zag Man” was in my Dad’s pot stash and why would someone need tiny pieces of papers…
Yeah, 2nd overall draft pick…hobo?? yeah…I see the connection.
Given the potential, a hobo would’ve been much less of a let down than Alex Gordon.