Lucas Glover was the guy you’ve never heard of before that won the US Open earlier today. And he did it the same way most guys do it: by getting into the final pairing and letting the other guy blow up. Glover finished his round at three over par, good enough for golf’s national championship and $1,350,000 in prize money, which will end up to be something like $40,000 after taxes.

Ricky Barnes, the other guy in this scenario, shot a 76, including a string of four straight bogeys heading into the turn. David Duval took a triple bogey on his first hole of the day, but managed to come up with birdies after holes that seemed to finish his chances for the day. Phil Mickelson made a charge at the end, but fell just a couple putts short. All three men finished in a tie for second place.

Tiger Woods tied for sixth and struggled mightily with the field, instead of ahead of it, but his wife didn’t have cancer, so screw him. The citizens of Cablinasia are certainly in mourning.