Tiger Woods won at the Memorial on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio yesterday, not far from the Columbus Zoo, in fact. Woods was four strokes off the lead heading into Sunday blah blah blah he kicked everyone in the nuts and won. I wish Tiger was from New York or Boston so the rest of the country could be as bothered with him as I am.

And here comes your last tennis news for June: Roger Federer won the French. Oh, sure, it’s easy when you don’t have to play Nadal, isn’t it, Roger? That gives Roger 14 majors and a career grand slam, an achievement that took me down a dark and dangerous path: what would be a “grand slam” for actual professions? Would a “Waiting tables” grand slam involve Family Restaurant/Irish Pub/Four-Star White Linen Joint/Rollerskating Diner? The grand slam for johns? Asian/Redhead/MILF/I Swear She Said She Was 18? This standing needs to be applied in all walks of life, otherwise it means nothing. Eh, it probably means nothing anyway.