06.19.09 POWER RANKINGS: SEMI-CLEVER SUBTITLE

Power Rankings on other sites are almost as pointless as Twitter. But when we make our own, their panty-moisteningly awesome.

1. Candace Swanpool. I’m running out of light-hearted things to say about bony women in their underwear.

2. Deadspin’s Tommy Craggs. If you’re one of those people that think the government should release the names of the 104 players that failed the PED audit in 2003, I suggest you read this. This is exactly how I feel about it, and I couldn’t have said it any better.

3. Cyborg Santos. Yeah, I’m calling her “Cyborg” for the duration. I can’t remember the last time a woman scared the living hell out me like this broad does.

4. The cleavage of women playing poker. It’s tough to beat top pair.

5. Brett Favre. Hey, give credit where it’s due. Only Paris Hilton is better at making news by doing absolutely nothing.

6. Bacon. It’s a street in Buenos Aires AND heartstoppingly delicious!

7. Mike Florio. Congrats on the deal with NBC Sports, Mike. Mike Florio. Congrats on the deal with NBC Sports, Mike. Everybody loves you!

8. Whatever the opposite of American soccer is. Man, we suck. Why the foo aren’t we playing Freddy Adu?

9. Shirtless models on a rollercoaster. They’re screamers.

10. Cheap sporting events. . This is my big problem with the NHL right now. It’s also the reason I would support any competition these sports leagues can get, because the fan wins in the end.