06.23.09 ‘BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND SUCK MY FAT’

The Mahoning Valley Scrappers, a class-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians based in northeastern Ohio, are giving away a free liposuction procedure at an upcoming game. And to think that I’ve been doing cardio and lifting weights like some kind of idiot for weeks on end. Okay, days. From the team release, via Small Ball USA (thanks, Playing For Peanuts):

he Scrappers will select five finalists that will be invited to the July 8th Ladies Night Celebration, sponsored by Valley Surgical Arts. During the game, the five finalists will be invited down to the field, where the Scrappers will announce the grand prize winner.”

The best thing that will happen here is that five obese women will walk onto that field and four of them will have their hopes and dreams absolutely shattered. Not that I think that overweight people are deserving of heaping servings of scorn; far from it. I just appreciate the drama of it all. It’ll be like Oscar night, except without the expensive gowns or portion control.