Our generation’s Larry Bird With Autism watched his alleged girlfriend get hauled off to jail for multiple felony warrants–including a probation violation–when Dallas police showed up at his doorstep earlier this week. From NBC Dallas-Fort Worth (thanks, John):

Booking records show Taylor has used at least eight different aliases in the past including Chrystal Ann Taylor, Crystal Ann Taylor, Debra Johnson, Shana Mancini, Krista Santiago, Crystal Ann Santiago, Cristal Westerhaus and Crista A. Westerhays.

Taylor was arrested at around 11 a.m. Wednesday. The Mavericks said Nowitzki and the team didn’t return from Denver until 12:30 p.m. Wednesday

Other aliases used included Syrus McBootypants, Elizabeth Felchmonger, and my personal favorite, Lady Smokepussy Fitzsimmons of Monaco. I guess Dirk’s only bedfellows now will be his broken English and sub-par grooming habits. Isn’t it weird that “sub-par” actually means bad, but if you shoot under par in golf, that’s actually good? And what’s the deal with airline food?