That hipster moan you heard in the greater New York City area yesterday was Ufford enjoying the return of Ken Griffey’s return to the Mariners in his own special way. Junior hit a home run and the Mariners won, and then Matt had a scary trip to the dentist, but he was really nice and everything turned out fine!

And how the hell did Griffey get lauded with the public’s certainty of never having done steriods? We don’t know that he never did steroids. And if he’s really the only one that never did steroids, can we then assume that everyone else actually did do them? And then admit that Barry Bonds is being persecuted simply for being a crabby black guy that doesn’t feel like talking to people while he’s changing clothes? Or is that a crime in California, also?

Whatev. Here are some more scores, and here‘s a vid of something so creepy, it would be an injustice to even describe it. And eventually we’ll do coverage that doesn’t involve complaining about steroids and non-sequitur vomit-inducing videos. Just not today.