With the signing of Tank Johnson and Leon Hall’s DUI, the Bengals have sent a message to the entire league. And that message is, “We haven’t learned a damn thing since 2006,” which is when the felony-laden franchise should have picked up Johnson to begin with. That would have given them, what, 15 Johnsons on that 2007 team?

But as my dead grandmother would say, one must strike while the iron is hot, and with the recent release of Plaxico Burress, the time to strike is now. Who else could provide Carson Palmer with another weapon, add another felony to the team’s ledger, and give Ocho Cinco a run for “Biggest Prick in the Queen City?” And all at once?

I don’t get it. The Miami Hurricanes of the 90s had all kinds of criminals and they beat the crap out of everybody they played. It’s obvious what the Bengals need — more criminals. Plaxico is what they need, now more than ever. Has an entire team ever gone to the playoffs and the federal grand jury in the same season? It’s time they did.