I hate everyone else’s ridiculous power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Megan Fox. Still Number 1. Still can’t find any clothes.

2. Twitter. The reviews are in: Fake twitter is much better than real twitter. .

3. Former Yankee Fritz Peterson. No idea if this is true, but if it is…eh, whatever. Can’t be true. Maybe I’m the one getting yanked.

4. Acrotomophilia. Not because I’m down with it, but because it seems to be doing so well for itself…

5. Dead Boater Jokes. Don’t worry, Mike Valenti, we’re still cool. Because I know you were totally worried about that. Well, now you can stop.

6. The Braintrust at TBS. ‘Bout damn time.

7. Almost-totally baseless rumors regarding the whereabouts of Terrell Owens. Unsilent Majority rules.

8. Watchmen. I’m going to see it tonight. NO SPOILERS!


9. Bacon. And no, Canadian bacon is not better than our bacon. Their bacon isn’t even bacon.

10. You Dropped A Bomb On Me by The Gap Band. But you turn me on, baby!