So everyone made a big stink over the weekend that the group trying to bring the Olympics to Chicago in 2016 was parceling out $10.5 million to spend on development for an Olympic mascot. Never mind the fact that this mascot wouldn’t become “Olympic” until the city won the bid. But all that is moot now, because we’re unveiling The Greatest Aspiring Olympic Mascot In History right here, using blockquote to make it look more official:

Meet Abraham Frohman Loopus III, “Loopy” for short, the new mascot for the Chicago 2016 Olympic bid. Living in the city’s downtown historical district, Loopy is pure Chicago, from his girthy stature to his Cubs hat to his Dennis Farina tribute mustache. Loopy can’t wait to bring the Olympics back to America!

Yes, that’s a giant dick wearing a baseball cap. And sitting in a convertible. Loopy was really upset that we couldn’t give him a Hummer. The worst part of all is that, as the mascot, Loopy wouldn’t be able to compete in any of the events. He’s a true weekend warrior, so competitive.