03.26.09 HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE HER TACO POP

Robert O’Ryan is the 34-year-old guy that really, really wanted to meet Dancing With The Has-Beens contestant and noted jail bait Shawn Johnson.  O’Ryan drove from Florida to LA to be with her, which sounds like a lot of work when sending unsolicited text messages brings about the same effect. Anyway, he jumped a fence at the TV studio where they do the show and was arrested.

Police later searched his car and found a loaded shotgun, a loaded Colt .45 handgun, Johnson memorabilia and duct tape, People magazine reported on its Web site. Bail was set at $35,000.

Records show that O’Ryan told security guards and police that he packed up all of his belongings and traveled to California from Florida in the hopes of being with Johnson.

Oh, and there’s a restraining order on him now and blah blah 100 yards or something. Like you can just look at a distance and say “Oh, this is within a sand wedge.” Girls these days are in such a hurry to grow up until a man comes along with some duct tape and a shotgun and then they’re just running back to mommy and daddy. It’s a dangerous world out there, and you can never have enough duct tape.

|ESPN|
For the four people reading that didn’t get the joke behind the headline.