03.16.09 DWYANE WADE FIRED…BY A HIGH SCHOOL

Miami Heat guard and recipient of ticky-tack fouls across America Dwyane Wade was fired as spokesman from a South Florida charter school program after reported delinquencies in his obligations to that program, according to Page 2 Live:

“He was supposed to participate in marketing campaigns and public appearances, but he has not been engaged.”

Thimmig said he’ll go on the hunt for another celebrity pitchman, “one with strong family values.”

Thimmig clearly was taking a swipe at the NBA’s leading scorer, who’s been dogged with strange allegations this season. Flash’s soon-to-be-ex-wife accused him of giving her a sexually transmitted disease and abandoning their children. And a former business partner told Page2Live recently that an apartment he rented for Wade was used for sex parties.

The schools, earlier named “D. Wade’s Schools,” have been renamed. Dwyane’s first name is so damn awkward that it’s no wonder it’s abbreviated in nearly every endorsement he does, or did. He probably abbreviates it at those sex parties, too. Nobody wants dick from a guy named Dwayne. Or Dwyane.

|via Ben Maller|