WL picks the winners of select weekend games every Friday. Home team in CAPS.

Tonight: LAKERS over Hornets. The Lakers are the team with Kobe Bryant, right?

Saturday: Army over NAVY. Do the Cadets do push ups after every point scored, you know, like they do in football? Because that would get old pretty damn quick.

KELLY PAVLIK over Marco Antonio Rubio. It’s Pavlik’s comeback fight in his own backyard. But Pavlik will defend his middleweight belt coming off a non-title loss to Bernard Hopkins in October. I know stuff about boxing!

PURDUE over Indiana. Didn’t you hear? Indiana’s program is in utter ruin! Ruin, I say! What’s that? It’s not? Oh.

DAVIDSON over Butler. It’s a clash of mid-majors! Stephen Curry against that one guy that Butler has! I can’t wait for the tournament to start. There’s nothing like getting drunk in public on a Thursday afternoon.

Sunday: CAPITALS over Penguins. Hockey is back on NBC. And somewhere, an Arena Football fan is weeping.

CAVS over Pistons. Let the talcum powder fly! Seriously, how much baby powder does LeBron waste in a season. And how much chafed baby ass emerges as a result of that?

Stay tuned for your WL Power Rankings. Or don’t. Do what you want; I’m not your mother.