TIGER’S WIFE PRODUCES MALE HEIR
02.09.09
Yesterday, Tiger Woods and his wife Elin celebrated the birth of their second child, Charlie Axel Woods. As celebrity baby names go, it’s predictably bad, but not a showstopper.
The existence of a male heir means that Tiger won’t have to resort to executing Elin and turning his semen over to the genetic engineering lab. What a beautiful day this must be for them.
Charlie joins big sis Sam Alexis [pictured], who was born in June 2007, just a day after Tiger’s second place finish in the U.S. Open.
“Sam is very excited to be a big sister,” Woods wrote, “and we feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family.”
You know, I might feel “blessed” with a “wonderful family” if I had millions and millions of dollars to spend on nannies and private school educations, too. And also if I had a family. Do you have any plans for Christmas? Mind if I stop by?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Dwight-Magic-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/lowest-golf-score-ever-180x180.jpg)
Frank Stallone and Ozzie Canseco can’t wait to hang out with Charlie.
/doesn’t care that Frank and Ozzie are the brothers of talented-famous people.
Charlie Axel Woods? At least he won’t fall for that banana-in-the-tailpipe trick.
I would’ve named him Dontsclice Itintothe Woods.
you know, I tried to convince Tiger that it would be easier on him, and on his wife’s vagina, to just adopt me rather than having an actual son. He was all “uh, you’re like, 36. and I don’t know you. But I have this restraining order.” And I was all like “ow ow ow ow your security guard is hurting me!”
prick. didn’t want him to be my dad anyway.
Then Tiger wept knowing that his wife’s divot could never be replaced.
Dammit, WDYA beat me to the Axel Foley joke.
Matt, you really missed an opportunity to post the pic of Tiger, Elin, Sam and the two dogs, which spawned the greatest comment in the history of the internet, courtesy of Rob:
“…. the Aristocrats!”
In before Axel Rose joke
THAT FUCKING KID HAS GEORGE COSTANZA’S HAIR!!!
Tiger doesn’t look creepy enough.
Did she or didn’t she pose nude? Cause these pictures look real at [tinyurl.com]
Tiger impregnates hot Swedes and here I am choking Chernobyl broads that used to have penises. Life is extremely fair.
I always start planning for Christmas in February.
So consider yourself invited.
“…big sis Sam Alexis, who was born … just a day after Tiger’s second place finish in the U.S. Open”
Tiger had to crank out another one quickly, as his first kid had the stench of failure all over her