Two coaches for Toronto FC of the MLS had to jump out of the way when an 8-year-old driving a van nearly hit them. The boy was driving at the behest of his father, who — to be fair — was too drunk to drive. So it was almost responsible parenting.
Witnesses said the boy crashed the van into a tree, shattering the driver’s side rear window, after the two coaches got out of the way. The boy then crashed a second time into a tree, damaging the car’s radiator, the police report said.
When police arrived, Belanger fell to the ground after he dropped his wallet. When he fell, he slammed his face on the pavement, leaving a gash on the bridge of his nose.
The boy told police his father took “liquid medicine in order to feel better.” He pointed to an empty bottle of Canadian whiskey in the vehicle.
A good question here would be, “Wait, so why is a cat driving the car in the picture?” And I’ll be honest, I don’t really have a good answer for that. I just think cats are funnier than kids. Just be glad I didn’t replace the dad with a side of bacon.
[Deadspin]
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True Story: At age 9, I was driving for my drunk Grandfather when we had too many.
But hey, look at me now. Doin’ great!
*hides track marks*
He keeps his “liquid medicine” in a bottle and drink it himself. I keep mine in my cock, and hand out RXs to just about anyone.
They have soccer in Canada?
Serves the fucker right for drinking Canadian whiskey. Buy American, you fucking communist!
/sips Perrier
yeah.. i’m in the same boat as Pauly. I was the DD for my folks long before puberty. Only my folks got the advice from a cop friend who said it would be less of a charge for letting me drive, than driving drunk themselves.
Belanger: What do you mean too young to drive! He is eight years old! Thats gotta be like 35 in cat years!
/Face plants
//Shits pants
Belanger was let off the hook when he told the cops it was either his kid or his wife who had to drive.
Zing.
Is “Toronto Fire” a sleight on Canada, the MLS or soccer in general? As a Canadian soccer fan, I’d enjoy this story more if I didn’t think it was an actual mistake…. Combining Toronto FC and the Chicago Fire might make a decent MLS team though!
Also, most Canadians have a few bottles of whiskey on them at all times, so I’m thinking the TFC coaches orchestrated an elaborate frame job….
@WDYA – you know he was Canadian right? and well, to put it delicately, your booze is the worst thing to happen to alcohol since prohibition.
Almost Responsible Dad’s got a lovely medicine cabinet too, finished in walnut. He keeps it in the living room just in case there’s an emergency. Wouldn’t want to have to traipse all the way to the bathroom if there’s a game starting on tv.
@Merk – Belanger is Canadian? I know the name sounds French-Canadian, but:
“Police arrested Mark A. Belanger, 34, of Sarasota…”
Sugar Shane approves Belanger’s Asian Face impersonation.
TOONCES LOOK OUT!
yeah.. i’m in the same boat as Pauly.
So they gave you road head too?
But was Tiny Elvis on the dashboard?
Thank you for the Toonces the Driving Cat photo. I hadn’t thought about Toonces in a few hours.
@AML – alright. i’m an idiot.
@pauly – yeah.. got nothing.
“When he fell, he slammed his face on the pavement, leaving a gash on the bridge of his nose.”
That is pretty impressive right there. I hadn’t thought of that move when pulled over.
let me see, he has both paws on the wheel. if he dies while driving , he still has seven lives left, hence the reason for not wearing the seat belt. i’d let the fuckin cat drive too.