02.04.09 PARKING LOT MASTURBATOR ARRESTED
A man was arrested for indecent exposure (is there another kind?) in a Santa Barbara City College parking lot after a softball player saw him masturbating in his car with his shorts down. This should be good.
Paper towels, moisturizer and a “Barely Legal” pornography magazine were three pieces of the incriminating evidence police used to arrest a man for masturbating in a City College parking lot [facing the stadium] …
The suspect [not pictured] confessed to [Security Supervisor Eric] Fricke that this was his first time doing anything like this. He also told Fricke that he couldn’t do it at home because he has roommates, according to the report.
His first time masturbating? Or his first time masturbating in public? No, he probably meant it was his first time masturbating in that specific parking spot. At that time of day. With that particular brand of lotion. “Officer, this isn’t like me! I usually use ‘Black Tail’!”
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There are 26 comments about:
PARKING LOT MASTURBATOR ARRESTED
I knew we’d find douginrichmond eventually
Security Supervisor Eric Fricke
The perpetrator was quoted as saying, “I was just doing my own thing when all the sudden this Fricken guy comes out of nowhere and tells me to stop.”
If that softball player happened to be Jennie Finch, and the man happened to me, I would die a happy man knowing that I had the pleasure of having it whipped out in front of her.
oh thank god. I read the headline and assumed that Withleather was going to be “taking a break” for 3-5 years…
He also told Fricke that he couldn’t do it at home because he has roommates, according to the report.
Weak, dude. I lived in the dorms for two years. If I had to quietly jack it while my roommate was in his bunk below, I did it goddammit. Where’s your drive, pussy?!
I bet that security supervisor is known around campus as “Fricke the Prick.” No relation to Nick “The Prick” Fricke, of Reseda, who coincidentally starred as a security guard in City College Coeds IV: Tuition Due.
It puts the lotion in the backseat!
“who coincidentally starred as a security guard in City College Coeds IV: Tuition Due.”
I’m still laughing at that. Nice work.
Masturbating to a “pornography magazine”. A magazine? Was the suspect’s name Fred Flintstone?
*not Hanna-Barbera’s finest moment episode, that.
If all softball players looked more like Jennie Finch he wouldn’t need that Barely Legal.
Dammit. Delete where applicable.
If you need lotion to masturbate, you are an amateur. If you need a lubricant, just spit on it.
/Dr. Jack Mehoff
He was first seen spankin’ it at 11am, but the cops didn’t arrive until 12:45pm.
Nearly two hours to rub one out? Who is this guy, Sting?
At least he didn’t get caught with a picture of Bea Arthur.
/still a little ashamed
I wondered what Doogie was up to.
I’m sorry, but aren’t we living in America?
We have the right to bear arms, but not to bare our baby arm?
This is ricockulous.
With a name like Harold Hall, you are required to masturbate in public. It’s on the family crest.
WHERE THF FUCK ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BEAT-OFF AT?!?!?
i didnt know that was illegal. well, that pretty much ends my social life.
Am I the only pro here that beats off with hand sanitizer?
The chicks on that campus will make you wanna beat off in every parking lot
The chick with 36 C’s flashes you, that’s decent exposure
Am I the only pro here that beats off with hand sanitizer?
Ouch. Stingy.
And you’d have to do it damn fast too.
Hand sanitizer? That would hurt my open sores.
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