As a nation, are we still expressing shock and outrage when someone does pot? We are? Really? In that case, I am shocked and outraged that Olympic hero Michael Phelps was photographed doing a bong hit last November. I guess. News of the World ran this photo even after “Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.”
It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party. He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there…
Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.
“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”
In a statement released to the AP, Phelps acknowledged that it’s him in the photo and apologized for “regrettable behavior.” If you can call getting drunk and high while chasing college ass “regrettable.” Seems like a pretty good weekend to me. I bet a guy like Phelps doesn’t even have to use my best pick-up line. “Hey, does this smell like ether?’
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“You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.”
– Just wait for the circle jerk photos to hit the internet…
Needs more big-tittied Asian women.
Honestly, I’d be more upset if Phelps wasn’t taking huge bong rips and swimming in college pussy after the Olympics.
“As a nation, are we still expressing shock and outrage when someone does pot?”
If so, I’m sorry that every time I go out to the garage to do laundry, I smoke a bowl.
What else is there to do in South Carolina?
I mean, besides cross burnings.
Fact.
Michael Phelps only smokes bongs with pool water in them.
Fact.
Yes taking a rip off a bong isn’t exactly rocket science.
Fact.
When pulling a bong hit, Michael Phelps turns his head to the side to exhale.
Fact.
Thanks to his advanced training regiment and above average lung capacity, people hate it when Phelps’s hit comes because he usually cashes the shit in one toke.
Fact.
Not sure why you guys are saying “fact”, but I hate being left out.
Fact.
That’s a penis pump.
Michael Phelps learned how to smoke a bong from Rosetta Stone. In under a minute.
Oh wait…
Fact.
That’s *my* penis pump.
Fact.
The Cincinnati Bengals are not impressed.
As a nation, are we still expressing shock and outrage when someone refers to smoking weed as “doing pot”?
People say I’m the gold medal winner of baby snatching but you don’t see MY picture in the tabloids . . . yet.
Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”
Must’ve been that Snow White strain. Works every time.
Fact.
Michael Phelps blew that bong hit out of his gills.
Fact.
“a little paranoid”–ya think that was the weed or the flash that went off during his hit? I’m nobody but if you take a picture of me getting high I will slap the smile off your face and the cock out of your ass.
Dammit! This makes him more of a relatable, normal person. I liked him more as a overachieving dork nozzle.
All the gold medals in the world can’t compare to being named High Times Man of the Year.
Yeah, the kid who took the photo will soon be The Most Popular Party Guest in all of South Carolina.
Next to Jesus Christ, of course.
All this talk of Phelps eating 12,000 calories per day makes sense now.
And somebody get the guy an ironed shirt. He’s an Olympic athlete, not a sports blogger.
I think Ricky Williams found a new smoking buddy
We are still expressing shock on any occasion that someone types, or even thinks, the phrase “does pot.” Include “on pot” in that as well.
My favorites are the apologists who say “oh, you can use a water pipe to smoke tobacco!”
Yes, you can use a bong to smoke tobacco. You can also use gunpowder as a substitute for salt in a pinch, but you don’t see people doing that, now do you?
Phelps is a dumbass, That chick he was visiting is way hotter and better than any weed he could smoke.
On another note… At least he was hitting the Roar and not some plastic piece of shit.
Damn, with his lung capacity he could prolly take one HELL of a hit!
“does pot”? sounds like my grandmother- “he’s real sick, he’s got the aids”.