Eins for ze ozzah thumb!

Although Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl Steelerstahl Douchenstahl said that the idea of a Pittsburgh victory parade after the Super Bowl is “still alive,” it seems that budget concerns and the general batshit insanity of Steelers fans will likely prevent the city from setting one up.  Not the possibility of a loss on Sunday, though.  That’s not a concern, apparently.

Sources said a parade this year would be a “budget buster” and, more importantly, a safety issue. The last victory parade drew a quarter-million people into the Golden Triangle and was a public safety nightmare, sources said.

The celebration was free to the public, but it cost the city $45,000 for security and cleanup. Crowd control was also challenging. Some fans created safety concerns by running up to the parade vehicles carrying Steelers players and coaches.

Oh Jesus. Is it really that hard to find a solution?  Sell tickets and have a rally at Heinz Field.  Broadcast it locally.  The damn thing will sell out in 40 seconds.  Steelers fans will do anything to watch anything Steeler-related.  They’d have 100,000 people in Steelers jerseys at the gates if they sold tickets for Ben Roethlisberger working an algebra problem at midfield.  And it would probably last as long as a regulation game.  I’ll take algebra and the points.

(Photoshop via me)