01.09.09 POWER RANKINGS: SO LONG, COLLEGE FOOTBALL

I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Utah Utes. Sure, Florida’s the better team, but I felt they should be #1 somewhere.  Besides in our hearts, I mean.

2. That Time the Guy Got Suspended Pantsless from the Ski Lift. It’s the picture of the week, which is saying a lot, considering this.

3. Monkeys on Bicycles. Trumps “Asian man on unicycle” every time.  Unless the Asian man face-plants.

4. Eli Manning. He has the top-seeded NFC team and a wife that gives him lap dances.  That’s a good week.

5. Sexy snowboards. Proof that any time you do anything, someone gets pissed off.

6. YAAAHHHH SPEAR TO THE GROIN. Spear to the groin?  Spear to the groin.

7. Iker Casillas. “Boo hoo hoo, my relationship with Miss Spain ended.  What’s that?  Why yes, Ariadne Artiles, I will spend New Year’s with you.”

8. Jordan Farmar. “I hate the way all these women keep trying to have sex with me.”

9. Pacman Jones. Might be worth taking some time away from the NFL playoffs this weekend to watch Outside the Lines.  Or you can probably skip it and get a pretty well condensed synopsis here on Monday.

10. Making fun of Quidditch. It’s really not healthy to be so cruel and judgmental to people I don’t even know… but what can I say?  I’m a monster.

All right, everyone, enjoy the weekend.  Punter’s got the Weekend Picks coming up, then we’ll be back in action on Monday morning.  If you miss us too much, follow the NFL action at the Kissing Suzy Kolber live-blogs.