01.02.09 POWER RANKINGS: NEW YEAR, SAME #1

I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Marisa Miller. Thanks to Marisa and her iPod for helping to ring in the new year.  Would I murder a man to sleep with her?  No.  I would murder twenty men.

2. Tomato-bacon martinis. See the recipe in this morning’s Saint Andrew’s Net.  It takes a hell of a lot leg work to make the ingredients, but it’s worth the investment.  Also: several imbibers claim the tomato water lessens the hangover.

3. Sex crimes. This week’s highlights: statutory bicycling and the greatest high school trainer imaginable.

4. Charles Barkley. When is a DUI justifiable?  When your mind is focused on a killer blowjob.

5. Maria Jose Lopez. She sexied up a slow day before the end of the year.  Bonus points for being the cause of a head injury to a soccer player.

6. NFL Week 17. Try to remember how awesome it was — in words and pictures — when it’s February and there’s nothing on.

7. The All Sports Band. So crappy, not even the 1980s could love it.

8. Chainsaws. Selected for involvement in a soccer-related fight.  They’re in the stratisfied air of fearsome power tools, along with wood chippers and riding lawn mowers with turbine engines.

9. Bowl season. Has largely sucked so far.  Here’s hoping the remaining BCS games step it up a little lot.

10. Danica Patrick. Meh.  Whatever.  I needed something to round out the top ten.

Here’s this week’s reward for reading all the way through the rankings:

See more of Silvina Luna at Kissing Suzy Kolber.