The good people at [adult swim] didn’t do weekly Carl Brutananadilewski this past year, and the NFL season was less entertaining for it. But the Aqua Teen Hunger Force star has returned to give you the inside track on some Super Bowl prop bets. These are basically the same kind of jokes you can get at Kissing Suzy Kolber, but it’s more satisfying to have a fat, bald, pissed off, Zubaz-pants wearing cartoon from New Jersey tell them than it is to read them. Basically, anything’s better than reading. That’s why I bought this Filipino child to read my emails and RSS feed to me. Dammit, Amado! SOUND IT OUT!

(Trouble with this vid? Different version after the jump.) Read the rest of this entry »

The romance novel market is capitalizing on the world of mixed martial arts, finally merging males aged 18-34 demographic with the ever-valuable “single middle-aged women with at least two cats.”  An author named Lori Foster has written My Man, Michael, and it sounds a-maaaaaaa-ziiiiinnnngggg.

MY MAN, MICHAEL proves you can be both a lover and a fighter! Combining mixed martial arts, romance and time travel!

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Finally, someone has written the book America has waited for.”

Michael thinks an injury will keep him from fighting again until a woman shows up and promises to heal him. But, he must travel with her and teach a community of woman warriors to fight in return. Imagine Michael’s surprise when she fulfills her end of the bargain and finds that, to fulfill his he must travel into the future!

Oh baby.  I have gotten a glimpse of the future, and It.  Looks.  Sexy.

[Cage Potato]

Not realistic. Tebow’s made of GRANITE

Blogs are made by fools like me, / But only Gator fans can make a tree…bow.

Chainsaw artist Sam Knowles works on his latest creation — a seven-and-one-half-foot tall Tim Tebow sculpture carved from a dead oak tree…

When asked about the sculpture’s weight, Knowles said that it weighs about one ton, but the roots are still in the ground “so I guess he weighs as much as the Earth.”

I was going to suggest that Gators fans should be careful about the creation and worship of false idols, but then I remembered that Tim Tebow is the Second Coming, so I guess it’s cool.

Up next: the Tebowchet, a giant catapult that can fling objects… almost as far as Tebow throws a football!!!

[Every Day Should Be Saturday]

Cardinals running back Edgerrin James, the fading star who will gain 32 yards on 15 carries this Sunday, celebrated Super Bowl week in style: he bought a new Lamborghini for himself (pictured).  Cardinals blogger Darren Urban writes:

I made the mistake – because I thought I had seen something written about Edge renting the Lamborghini – of asking Edge if he bought or rented.

“Cash, straight out the door!” Edge told me, before considering that I even had to ask the question. So a few seconds later, Edge, walking with some of his teammates, expressed his incredulity. “Hey, Urb wanted to know if I rented!” Edge bellowed. “I only rent tents and bouncehouses.”

Well, I guess that’s better than pitching tents at whorehouses.  The “rentals” there can get awfully expensive.

[Fanster via Yardbarker]

It seems crazy to talk about college basketball outside of March and early April, but I suppose it counts as news when the top-ranked team loses for the third week in a row — to the previous #1 team! Wow! Can you believe how wacky sports are?!?!?

Anyway. #4 Wake Forest toppled Duke 70-68 with a late layup from James Johnson, although you can barely glean that from the video, because the mongoloids in the booth are hardly capable of giving competent play-by-play and analysis. Oh yes, that’s right: Dick Vitale is calling a Duke game. You may want to take some preventive measures before listening to the clip, like puncturing your eardrums with an ice pick. You’ll thank me later.

The men’s tennis world has finally been united under a common belief: Novak Djokovic is a gaping vagina.  Roger Federer, a man as prone to controversy as American cheese or particle board, criticized Djokovic for retiring in the heat against Andy Roddick:

“He’s not a guy who’s never given up before … it’s disappointing,” said Federer… “I’m almost in favor of saying, you know what, if you’re not fit enough, just get out of here. If Novak were up two sets to love I don’t think he would have retired 4-0 down in the fourth [set].”

Dude, you just got called a pussy… by a tennis player! BURN!  This will no doubt be added to Djokovic’s legacy of quitting:

In 2006, Djokovic retired from his French Open quarterfinal against Rafael Nadal after losing the first two sets. In 2007 he abandoned his Wimbledon semifinal contest against Nadal, blaming a toe blister.

Djokovic’s habit of calling for a trainer on court has often irked his opponents… Last September at the U.S. Open, an exasperated Roddick said of him, “He’s either quick to call a trainer or he’s the most courageous guy of all time.”

Roddick, by the way, lost his semifinal match to Federer last night (or later tonight? weird Australia time), 6-2, 7-5, 7-5.  But at least he didn’t QUIT!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!