Yes, but who’s ACTUALLY #1? Stop lying to me, Cardinals

Ya know, I’m not asking for much.  When the NFL playoffs get down to the final eight teams — four of the final seven games we get all year — all I ask for is that the teams look like they’ve spent a week (or two) preparing for a really important playoff game. Three of the four away teams won this weekend, but I can’t even enjoy the upsets because everybody played like such underwhelming dogshit.  Some quick looks:

  • Ravens 13, Titans 10 — “No, you win the game.”  “No, you win.”  “No, YOU win.”  “No seriously, take it, goddammit.”  True, the Titans got screwed by the non-delay of game.  But it’s hard to feel sorry for a team that shot a liquid stream of shit into their pants any time it came anywhere near the red zone.
  • Cardinals 33, Panthers 13 – The 9-7 Arizona Cardinals, who went 3-7 against teams not in the NFC West this year, will host the NFC Championship Game.  Ladies and gentlemen, meet your Super Bowl XLIII Champion, [AFC team].
  • Eagles 24, Giants 11 — This was like the Ravens-Titans game, but with more field goals and not as close.
  • Steelers 35, Chargers 24 — Wow, a game that was semi-well-played and closely contested.  For a half.  Then the Chargers — no doubt fired up by Norv Turner’s halftime speech — held the ball for all of 17 seconds in a third quarter during which they had more turnovers than offensive plays.  That was fun to watch.  **slits wrists**

But who sucked the worst?  Well, actually, that one is pretty easy to answer.  It’s not even close.

Jake Delhomme, step right up to accept the Monday Suck-Off Award for Worst Playoff Performance by a Quarterback in Modern History.  Holy crap, FIVE interceptions and a fumble?  AGAINST THE CARDINALS. Chad Pennington couldn’t play that poorly against an excellent defense if he tried. Oh, and God knows he tried.

(Stand by for more pictures and video from the divisional playoffs)