MINOR LEAGUE HOCKEY KICKS ASS
01.20.09Minor league baseball tries to attract fans with zany promotions. Minor league hockey does the same thing, except replace “zany promotions” with “genuine, life-threatening rancor in all-out melees.”
I’d somehow never seen this 2007 fight between the Halifax Wolverines and the Summerside Western Capitals, but it was definitely worth the wait. The fireworks begin with some cowardice at the 38-second mark, then Wolverines start diving over the boards into the opposing team’s bench, the Caps start a gang beating of one of the Wolverines, refs fruitlessly try to break things up, goalies fight, and three fans were decapitated with sharpened hockey sticks. Probably. It might have happened off-camera.
[via Hot Clicks]
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Wow, those 14 fans really got their money’s worth!
In basketball or baseball, this sort of thing would result in lifetime bans. In hockey, it results in call-ups.
I call them Halifux!
/Summerside rules
//I assume that’s a way to cook breakfast
I absolutely refuse to watch hockey until they lift Professor Sub-Zero’s lifetime suspension. Hockey just isn’t hockey when you’re not allowed to slice your opponents limb from limb into quivering bloody sushi.
Don’t know which I enjoyed more…Zack’s Running Man reference, or Enrico’s egg reference. Well done.
Also, I haven’t seen Wolverines get beaten like this since the Soviets invaded Colorado.
You think you’re tough for eating beans every day? There’s half a million scarecrows in Denver who’d give anything for one mouthful of what you got. They’ve been under siege for about three months. They live on rats and sawdust bread and sometimes… on each other. At night, the pyres for the dead light up the sky. It’s medieval.
Hey Killian!! Here is Sub Zero. Now, plain Zero!!!
::double side five with black dude::
Now, plain Zero!!!
(sniffs back tears) That’s my governor!
/no, I didn’t vote for him
Was someone screaming “Avenge me, boys. AVENGE ME!” during the tear up?
/obligatory whenever Red Dawn/Wolverines are referenced.
watch how many times the guy in the beige raises his arms in disappointment and disapproval. he even slaps his thighs out of sheer frustration at the 1:26 mark.
he’s like walt kowalski at an asian-american block party.
Make sure your team backs you up before diving into the opposing bench. Balls without brains.
Needs more excited, breathless commentary. May I humbly suggest “And he hits him with a right…and a right, and a right, and a right…and another right, and a right and a right and a right! A left, and a right…and a right and a right and a right!”
The “I’m getting raped” screams coming from what’s most likely the only female fan really adds a level of “feeling right at home” to the video for me.