Paparazzi are the celebrity world’s version of the little brother who holds a finger an inch away from your face and keeps going “I’m not touching you!”  Naturally, when celebrities give them the beatdowns they deserve, as David Beckham and a body guard allegedly did, the rich people get sued.

Emicles Da Mata claims on December 7, 2008, he had stopped his car on a Beverly Hills street when Beckham reached through the driver’s window and grabbed his camera and attempted to wrestle it from him…

The lawsuit claims Beckham’s bodyguard — also a defendant — then beat him repeatedly [Hooray! -Ed.], grabbed the camera and threw it in a trash can. Da Mata says he was injured and is suing for assault and battery, as well as emotional distress.

Emotional distress?  I wonder what’s Da Mata with him?  (High five?  No?  Okay, that’s fair.)

Anyway, there ya go.  A story about a soccer player, a paparazzo, and lawyers.  Really, there are almost too many people to root for here.