01.02.09 CHARLES BARKLEY F’N RULES

The police report from Charles Barkley’s DUI arrest was released, and it’s not hyperbole to say that this will only add to the legacy of Sir Charles.  From The Smoking Gun (via Deadspin):

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘blow job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

I may disapprove of drunk driving, but I’ve got Charles’s back on everything else.  Blowjobs are the fountain of youth.  There’s nothing else on Earth that will make a 45-year-old man giddy like a 16-year-old boy.  Honestly if I had the choice between the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl and getting the best blowjob of my life… let’s just say I’d probably run that stop sign too.